LieBe-RAteD

Recession

2009-03-03T16:30:00.002+08:00

"Rich bodies..."

Wealth came and left but experiences and memories are here to stay. ^^

Hafta pay off some debts and stabilize my finances... Anyone got any part time jobs?

Anyways...

That aside, I've been thinkin lately. I always think, I know... I hardly turn off. But...

Lately its about people that matter most to me...

To YOU:
I'd die to put a smile on your face...

Please, ur a friend, a sister and so much more to me. I dont know whats wrong but I hope this phase passes soon.

I know, I have always stood silently and listened but now... I wanna act. I wanna reach out with you to grasp that elusive happiness we've sought for so long in our lives. So please... smile you stupid stupid girl.

Without it you... no. I feel so helpless. You may not even know if I care but I do. You may not even know this post adressed to you exists but it does. My existence is hence not wasted... I'll do it! I'll play a part in your happiness no matter how small... So cheer up!!!

-cough-

Shhhh! Ignore that if u know its not meant for you. And even if it is meant for you and ur reading this but dont realize it... I dont care. For the record... DISCLAIMER: Its not AMY. Dont jump to conclusions.

Anyway... I've found my purpose in life recently and I've learnt to embrace it.

For so long I've dreaded the fact that Im able to be there for and help others and yet be unable to help my own situation in any way. But now...

I've found it gave me purpose, I should be happy... satisfied that Im able to bring smiles to others. If my life cant be my own... who cares? If I dont, no one else should. My happiness should miror those around me and if i can play a part in it, Im glad.

Some may say its noble others may say Im just indulging in false sense of righteousness to justify my existence. Whatever u have to say, it changes nothing. I'll still give my all, my most sincere. Accept it or get lost. :D

Whoever may still be reading, i dont know cause of a dead tragboard and the fact i rarely update. Thanks for caring. Take care ok?

Ciao~

"Rich bodies... poor Hearts and Souls"

Memory

2009-01-30T09:23:00.001+08:00

"Old Scars..."

My Eyes
My Ears
My Hands

My Face
My Lips
My Heart
My Soul
Remembers You

Even when she forms a smile
In my eyes, You
You are smiling
Even when I hold her hand
In my hand, You
It feels your hand

Even though my mind erased you
Even though my heart emptied you out
You’ve clearly been erased but
Even now it’s still no use
Though time is erasing your figure now
And my mind that was filled with you is being emptied

My body
My body remembers you
I remember even now
Though I put away the pictures of us smiling together
And empty out my heart
That was filled with you

Though I empty my heart
My body remembers you
The memory
The more I erase it,
The more vivid it gets
The memory
The more I hate it,
It comes closer like a…

But even if I run away, You
Even if I turn around, You
Even when I hold her in my arms
My body, You
It only feels you

Even when I walk beside her
My feet, You
They’ve stopped with you

Though time is erasing your figure now
And my mind that was filled with you is being emptied

My body
My body remembers you
I remember even now
Though I put away the pictures of us smiling together
And empty out my heart
That was filled with you

Though I empty my heart
My body remembers you
In my eyes I only see you
I still fill up with tears toward you
In my two hands I only feel you
I’m bound in the memories of you like handcuffs

The memory of you,
Even within the presence of someone near me
When they’re just passing by
I’m still crazy about you because
My body only remembers you
I still remember you

Lyrics from Younha -Memory (edited to fit the situation)

"Old Scars... Heal slowly"

New World Order

2008-12-19T02:32:00.002+08:00

"The largest flame in my heart.."

I desire a world where we can all achieve the simple dreams we have without obstacle. A world where we can be close to the people we love at untethered by cost and an economy that only builds boundaries. Where we can be free from the gravity that holds us back from our potentials. Where circumstance cannot bind our lives to a "predestined" outcome based on the inadequacies of our forefathers.

I desire a world beyond war. Where we have looked past ideologies, nationality and greed... the chains of hatred that tie us. And we shall realize a universe abundant! With resources and opportunities for all... To realize that money and research that have gone into the process of "defense" from one another could have been put to so much more. And where we can be safe not from dterence... But from trust and friendship.

I desire a world where mankind has united under one flag and reached out to the limitless frontier... Leaving no one behind. Leaving the myopia and vicious cycles that our ancestors have repeated... The many mistakes they have made. And where we can confront our new mistakes together with the knowledge that our past can be so small and insignificant compared to the vast infinity where our futures lie.

I desire a world without corruption. Where the desires and insecurities of one may not hurt the many... Where everyone can have their space to express themselves without persecution from those in power. A world without absolutes and justice is meted out with conscience. A sanctuary for all.

I desire a world with less grief. When diseases and plagues cannot take our loved ones. Without war and killing machines powering the economy but the pursuit of life instead. When war ends, I believe so will diseases.

All this is possible... All it takes is for us to believe and not underestimate the small role each of us can play to achieve it. I'll do my part... whatever it may be.

Feeling... Enlightened.

Ciao~

"The largest flame in my heart.. Began from the smallest spark."

Sinking Feeling

2008-11-03T13:40:00.002+08:00

"My place in a fragile world"

Disbelief and confusion greet me. Do I deserve it? All I did was enter class...

Im worried about my place in TP... My fee payment has yet to be settled. The student loan i was on was revoked when my mom went bankrupt.

And...

I dont want to leave. Not over such circumstances. As it is... That was the 2nd tutorial where the tutor sent me out of class cause she didnt believe she was my tutor. My name isnt on her register.

Kinda helpless... Even if i got a fulltime job, it'll still take me a couple of months to pay off the fees on my on. And thats even if I can resort to that. Might be too late.

Its so sad... That in my family, Im the only one who can manage my money well. Living as though each penny was my last. I can survive a week on $20 and still afford to smoke. Sigh... And my mom even earning $5k a month cant even support her lifestyle. I cant even call myself a burden to her when im living solely off my Dad's alimony. Everytime she insists on leaving the heater on... Im the one who suffers.

Ironic, Im the one who's careful with my money yet im the one who ends up in jeopardy. Why?

She didnt even wish me Happy Birthday until 3 hours before it was over... Should i give a shit about her anymore? Complete independence... Not such a dream.

Being strong...

Cyaz~

"My place within a fragile world... My destination within an indestructable heart"

Hilang Arah

2008-10-08T20:25:00.002+08:00

"The Springtime lies in tomorrow..."

---

Living from one moment to the next.

Living for myself.

Living on a survival instinct.

Living with little to no footprints left upon history or memory.

I've come a long way...

But where am I?

Where am I to go from here?

The One-Way road I've walked for so long has been so straight and unending...

I've walked it onto oblivion and I can no longer recognize my surroundings.

The map I had followed ends here.

Im uncertain... Im scared.

I want to cower... But trembling as I walked, the steps keep coming.

Drawing me further from home. Drawn to what lies out there.

Desperate... I cant go back. If there is hope, it lies ahead.

So I must reach for it! Alone if i must... Through the darkness.

This is still my journey. I must carry on even if I must map the path myself.

Then maybe others can follow.

---

In abt 3 weeks... I'd have lived a year short of two decades.

I cant even be happy. Not that im sad or angry but...

I dont know anymore what I want. Not presents. What I want in general.

I dont even know what to do when the day comes...

How to celebrate? Am I even going to? If yes, with who? Frinds? Family?

Part of me is even thinkin maybe I'd be alone and do some soul searching.

And whats even more shocking? I actually forgot my own birthday was this month until I looked for my I/C yesteday. Like WTF? If I hadnt looked for it and saw my DoB when i found it... I would have genuinely been surprised if on the 28th someone told me it was my birthday. xD

I feel very introspective once again. Haix... I'll leave the future to fate.

And a belated Selamat Hari Raya to all my friends and family if I havent already wished you. Maaf zahir dan batin. =)

Blissfully...

Ciao~

"The Springtime lies in tomorrow... If u can find it"

The Best is Yet to Come

2008-09-25T03:20:00.003+08:00

"For those lost in the dark... "

Do you remember the time when little things made you happy?

Do you remember the times when simple things made you smile?

Life can be wonderful if u let it be...

Life can be simple if you only try...

Whatever happened to those days?

Whatever happended to those nights?

Do you remember when the time when little things made you sad?

Do you remember the times when simple things made you cry?

Is it just me or is it just us?

Feeling lost in this world?

Why do we have to hurt each other?

Why do we have to shed tears?

Life can be beautiful if you try...

Life can be joyful if we try...

Tell me I'm not alone

Tell me we are not alone in this World fighting against the Wind

Do you remember when the simple things made you happy?

Do you remember when little things made you laugh?

You know life is simple

Because the Best things in Life are yet to come...

"For those lost in the dark... For those who live not just to die."

Cigarette Smoking Man

2008-08-27T21:01:00.002+08:00

"Pressure... "

13MG Tar... 1.0MG Nicotine.

Sound like harsh stuff, but I need to concentrate.

Its hard to oncentrate on exams when ur dealing with family issues and matters of the heart. Bad timing for shit to hit the fan I'd say. So I've been through 2 packs in the past 2 days... just to numb my mind. Hopefully I'll do well... Im pretty confident.

But now thats its over... Im left to deal with where I put myself .

One rubs me the right way... And leaves me confused.

The other I'm certain that I sayang her... But cinta tu... Tak pasti.

Im but a victim of a weak heart.... Just when i was thought I'd quit smoking. hahax

I finally understand... Why people guard their feelings. Be it shelling it up and being detached or covering up with humor, superficiality and expect not to be taken seriously... It hurts.

"Pressure... Even the sky cries in its grasp..."

Lady Marmalade

2008-08-23T03:08:00.002+08:00

"Morbidity... "

How cold the moonlight shines tonight?

The air touches my skin as though I was laying in snow.

Inside I burn... I struggle.

Screams in the deepest emptiness.

Tears falling from dry eyes.

I contain myself.

The love. The pain. The passion. The grief.

All i bear alone.

I am overwhelmed. Every breath is more than I can take.

God... Give me the strength to move on. Please...

All hope I have is but lost. The smile i keep is but an empty shell.

Will me forward into times uncertain.

If need be into the arms of another,

Just steady my path...

So that I may not hurt others.

So that I may yet love again.

So I may resist eyes that lie. Arms that long for another.

Steel me to my principles lord...

I beg of thee... Deliver me.

Have mercy on whats left of my soul.

Endure me the tribulation that fate has sent.

I have leapt. I could not fly.

Pick me up... So I may leap again.

"Morbidity... In its eminence."

Options

2008-05-25T05:06:00.014+08:00

"Dia seperti Bintang...."

Moral lows... Have I truly fallen?

Women are not objects.... Pieces of meat. I'm well aware.

But need I be reminded from time to time? Have I become so emotionally detached and insensitive lately that I could forget?

Anyway... Thanks Han for reminding me.

I wanted to post photos from the family outings over the last 3 weekends but.... Im kinda lazy to bluetooth them from my phone.... Screw it!

Thats Ainul at the back. He's a good bro to his siblings.

Thats Hadi at the back. He's a cool guy to everyone :P

So.... HOT.... So.... MALAS~

At least there was a beautiful sunset in the end~

My cuzzin Ami. So cute rite?

One more time lol

Hadi's Angels

You Gotta love the kid lol :)

Never try this.... U'll get make up on ur cheeks...

Timun Warriors!

Posing kat lantai

I love school nowadays. My timetable is great. Free from 11am to 1pm everyday. Only lectures on Monday. Lots of room to be lazy but so far im doin well study-wise .... And I'm tryin to be a friend.

Full-Time Friend. Part-Time Lover.

Should I be drawn to someone... I shouldnt rush things. Let the chips fall where they lie. I suppose thats how I've been gettin lucky in the past and not lately.

And I started this year with the resolve to only...

"Mencintai dia yang mencintaiku..."

Alot off my mind.... No pressure.

Oh yea! Final note. If anyone casting votes for TP Student Elections readin this.....

VOTE EMILLA, ELLA, and ZAIN for TPSU!!!!

Ok. Free Publicity over...

Take care y'all :)

Ciao~

"Dia seperti Bintang di Surgaku.... Dia bukan Segalaku"

The Eulogy

2008-05-07T00:30:00.004+08:00

"God may give..."

There lived a man

A simple man.

A brother.

A husband.

An uncle.

A mentor.

A friend.

I found out tonight that my closest uncle in Bandung had passed away. To share with u how much he meant to me, I wont tell u how he died. I will tell u how he lived.

He was the youngest of four brothers. The baby in his family.

From birth, his life was far from normal. He was blessed. He had a gift, and with it he chose to help others, protect those who mean no harm.

He wasnt as successful as any of his brothers. Taking 5 years to graduate from a local university in Bandung. But never once was he envious of the extravagant lives his brothers led. Never once did he regret the path he chose. Never once had he strayed from the straight and narrow.

Even with the inadequacies in his life, he was a great role model to his nephews and nieces. Offering sound advice and a listening ear. He was respected and well loved by us and his presence was... A cool summer breeze. He had a charisma that brought calm and laughter. Mature beyond his years with a sense of humor. Truly a peaceful man. At peace with himself and those around him. The model big brother most of us can only dream of.

My fondest memory of him was when we used to gather around him at night and he'd recount to us tales of his exploits in youth and recent years as well as those of our forefathers and ancestors which he was particularly well versed. Through him, we knew where we came from and where we belonged. Gave us a perspective of where we should go, to keep reaching for that brighter future. Taught us many lessons on our history, bloodline and the virtues we may draw from them. Cultivated a passion for our heritage, our identities. We used to watch him with a curious light in our eyes. Always wanted to learn more. He would have made a great teacher. He was a great mentor to us.

He was a great husband too. Remaining faithful to his love through a long courtship and engagement. Never succumbing to temptations that arise. Always keeping Tante Nia's interest at heart and worked hard to gain the approval of his in laws. Alas... they only remained happily married for 4 months before he passed on. Too soon. He deserved more... much more.

I shed tears tonight when i learned that he had gone after a silent struggle against lupus... He was only 27. With so much ahead of him.

But so fate has willed... We are only leaves blowing in the wind. Its heartbreaking. We mourn. But we must go on. He lives forever in our hearts.

He will be missed. God bless his soul. My uncle, my mentor, my friend, dearest ujang hansip, Mang Vicky. U were loved and u forever will be loved...

Rest in peace.

"God may give... But he may also take at any time. Cherish those around u.... "

I Love You

2008-04-26T22:02:00.002+08:00

"What a cliche..."

Honestly... It's been a long time since I've said that to anyone and meant it.

My mom pointed it out to me. It's kinda odd that she would notice.

I guess in a way... It's sad. Not depressing. Sad...

How many people in this world are like me?

I have loved. I still do but.. we never find time to say it.

I miss... I just miss people...

I wanted to say who. When I was contemplating whether or not to blog... I sorta mustered the courage to, but now... hahax. I dont think so.

Rahil... I miss him already even though it's just been a day since he went to camp. Ok fine. I guess its ok now.

I miss Ruth. Why is it I even find myself thinkin of her? In school, there's always someone that kinda remind me of her. Dunno if I like her. Just an infatuation I guess. Maybe it'll pass.

Okay. Phew... Let it out here. Feel's lighter inside. I'm happier.

I have guests anyway. My bro's ahem... intended. And her sister.... whom I'm sad to say, I didnt actually catch her name. hahax

Just a note before I sign out:

"Chinese entertainment industry is the shallowest, most inoriginal known to man. especially shit on Channel U." - Quote by a Chinese man.

I agree. I've said it before myself in fact. Its just that... I watch commercials nowadays and I'd have to agree. "U are the ONE" ROFLMAO

"What a cliche... Those beautiful words have become. Yet unsaid..."

.crusade//RECONNECT

2008-04-07T18:50:00.002+08:00

"I know that she knows that we know..."

9 more days to go before my last day. Then school starts...

WELCOME TO YEAR 2.1!!!

I have no idea what to expect. I just know this time I can concentrate more on my studies.

Not having to sit for ANY supp papers was an encouraging sign indeed. I'm confident I can do even better if i put in more effort.

At this august stage of this holiday, I feel like reminiscing about the past year.

A whirlwind of good and bad times. Hahax

Not much that I wanna dwell on. Mainly just openned my eyes to clearer perceptions of society and friendships. Prolly boring stuff no one wants to hear.

What matters most in the end is whether I got through it as a good or bad person.

Everyone makes decisions they're not proud of. Mine were somewhat guided by false hopes.

Im not gonna dwell on them at this point of my life. Still a long road ahead in this journey of life.

Still a long way before God can decide if i was just or not.

Met up with han and Mail last weekend. Long time since I have... for any friends from TP for that matter. I missed them. Lepak till mornin Hahahax :)

I wanna see Emilla soon... maybe Haziq and Roy too... And some others I wanna meet for reasons malicious :P

Cant wait...

Skiping FO for those not yet aware... really cant bring myself to go. I'm working two extra weeks at least. $400 more into my account. YAY! :)

Just a final note...

YOU... even though its been less than a day. Even though it's been a week before that... Somehow every second... I spend it missing you. Something between us? I dunno. I just need to see u. Hope u feel the same way. :)

Love to the Bhagat family for takin me in the past few weeks. Their hospitality, their friendship... I am grateful... Really. U guys are like family to me. :)

Ciao~

"I know that she knows that we know... So we dont have to say? Do we?"

Through the Fire and Flames

2008-03-18T10:17:00.002+08:00

"Life on Strings...."

Listen to the whole song if u like. My fav is at 3.20.

Like the whole damn thing.

"Life on Strings.... Get what i mean?"

City Lights

2008-03-09T03:36:00.002+08:00

"They burn into your eyes..."

Living till u know you're dead. Music ringing in my ears till that time comes.

I wanna let go so bad. This is orgasmic.

Random thoughts popping into my head as it spins. My fingers can barely keep up.

I'm darker. Sinister... Having the time of my life without remorse. ME ME ME

Takes me to the office. Best Denki. Losing myself in numbers. the BASS. So high~

Ah... The sex I've had and forced others to watch. :P

EMILY!!! Where are u?

Sean Kingston is butt ugly. Who would wanna let him take u anywhere? HAHAHAX

A blurrrr.... The blotched ink on canvas that is my life.

Waiting for someone. I wanna be like her. Like me but done beautifully.

I miss her. A mess so serene. Broken but perfect. A work of art that hardly comes by.

Her tears just cause my heart to crack and shatter so slowly. I wanted to hold her. Another kiss. The countless we've shared.

SHE WAS THE HIGHEST POINT IN MY LIFE. Yet when i was at the lowest in hers.

Before i die. SEE ME. FORGIVE ME!!!

Wait... I need another smoke. SO LOUD.

Hoping for redemption only brings DISAPPOINTMENT.

Disappointment. Kelly. Weee~

Am i over her? Wait no. I dont think im even over Emily. OR ANY OF THEM.

Fate has played its hand. And... I'm so high oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never wanna be sober again. FUCK YOU! Mas Selamat is hiding in the LOUNGE!!!

Perhaps kicking someone's ass at pool. ta da da tatatata~

Bennibassi can SPIN @

Its time to move. Watch out you, you and YOU!

I wonder what TPSU Exco will be like next year. Disfunctional popularity whores... I wanna watch them screw up.

Mercy on those who deserve it. The rest can only try to explain themselves in HELL.

Next is... German liquor. Bought at NTUC. So good!!! Sha la la la~

When THIS is over. I can finally be free. So no more! Hadi! You've been a bad boy!

Note: This post was written without regard for a BACKSPACE or DELETE button and at the limits of soberness, at the threshold of intoxication. Beyond this... I think i'll be too out of it to even type. Good for me! Wake up Wake up!!! FORGET!!!

"They burn into your eyes... And you wish you saw nothing else..."

Techno-Coloured

2008-02-28T03:04:00.006+08:00

"Don't piss me off..."

Dropped in my blog. As I scrolled down my tagboard...

Saw spam by various Christian Schools. Disappointing isn't it? Giving such wholesome institutions a bad name? I was fine.

Saw a post by bangbang. Relevant. So here ya go... Still fine.

Saw rant by Shep. Surprised its him and replied. Anyone else? Feel free to argue summore. Face to face even. I dont mind... I dont care is more fitting though. Still feeling as OK as ever.

Then...

Curiosity got the better of me. Decided to log into cbox and find out who's responsible for said spam...

Saw that it was SHEP. ROFLMAO!!! At least it was his IP address. Disappointing. Really. I thought higher of him. But still fine. =)

Conclusion: I'm havin a fine start to my day and visiting my blog cant put a dent on my mood. :P

Good luck for exams btw. =)

Ciao~

"Don't piss me off... Unless you plan on havin a change of footwear."

Justified

2008-02-11T02:15:00.000+08:00

"How could Heaven bestow me an Angel so kind..."

Out of sheer RANDOMNESS, I decided to climb back onto the blog.

Just got back from "jogging" with Mail. Feet are killin me... Stupid old Nike shoes... =.="

Anyway, some self updates are in order. I guess I have to say something somewhere about my "sabbatical" from TPSU.

To put it simply, I needed a new perspective to look at things especially in school. I realize that TP is a bigger place than just the lounge. I need to put myself out there and really get a life. lol

Besides, the atmosphere in there is really... I dunno. Stifling? Its really a small world in there and I had been neglecting real friends who stood by me for "Hi-Bye"friends. The same old faces I'm honestly starting to get sick of.

I also discovered in my time off that I cant be a real "honestly care about your life" friend to anyone there. No matter how much I try. Because more or less, everybody in there only confides in their "real" friends within their cliques. Who am I? lol

Off I go then. Finding a grasp of being in my own skin. Not a facade TPSU has built up around me. Also finding new additions to my life along the way. Not forgetting those who have been part of my life through it all, every step of the way. People who I somehow feel like I have known forever and can love without limits, remorse or POLITICS. Friends. Comrades. Brothers. =)

Hint Hint: All guys xD

I wanna take this opportunity also to thank Rahz for providing his ever so insightful input as well as for takin me in through hard times. =)

Ok... With that explained, even though I feel I dont have the need to explain myself to ANYONE but God, let me wish anyone celebratin....

A HAPPY BELATED CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

Oh yeah... Hope u guys like the new layout. I've been into GUNS lately. Hahax

Ciao~

P.S. Haziq NOOB! Kanna BAN! Bwahaha =P

"How could Heaven bestow me an Angel so kind... Yet so cruel."

28 Things A Girl Doesn't Know

2008-01-27T02:34:00.000+08:00

"Back to stone age... "

I read this off a Friendster bulletin by TJ.

I think its stuff people SHOULD know. Some more than others... Interesting. =)

--Guys hate sluts even though
they
have sex with them!
(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if
you've slept with more than 6
guys..you're a HOE)

--Guys may be flirting around all day
but before they go to sleep, they
always think about the girl they truly
care about.

--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

--Guys will do anything just to get
you to notice him

--Guys hate it when you talk about
your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.

--Boyfriends need to be reassured
often that they're still loved.

--Don't talk about your guy friends to
your boyfriend.

--Guys get jealous easily.

--Guys are more emotional than they'd
like people to think.

--Giving a guy a hanging message
like "You know
what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make
him jump to a conclusion that is far
from what you are thinking. And he'll
assume he did something wrong and
he'll obsess about it trying to figure
it out.

--Guys are good flatterers when
courting but they usually stammer when
they talk to a girl they really like.

--A usual act that proves that the guy
likes you is when he teases you.

--Guys love you more than you love
them if they are serious in your
relationships.

--Guys think WAY too much. One small
thing a girl does, even if she doesn't
notice it can make the guy think about
it for hours, trying to figure out
what it meant.

--Guys seek for advice from girls not
other guys. Because most guys think
alike, so if one guy's confused, then
we're all confused.

--When a guy asks you to leave him
alone, he's just actually
saying, "Please come and listen to me."

--If a guy starts to talk seriously,
listen to him. It doesn't happen that
often, so when it does, you know
something's up.

--If your best guy friend seems to
avoid you or is never around when
you're with your boyfriend, he's
probably jealous and likes you.

--When a guy tells you that you are
beautiful, don't say you aren't. It
makes them want to stop telling you
because they don't want you to
disagree with them.

--When a guy looks at you for longer
than a second, he's definitely
thinking something.

--Guys don't like girls who punch
harder than they do.

--A guy has more problems than you can
see with your naked eyes.

--Don't be a snob. Guys can be
intimidated and give up easily.

--Guys talk about girls more than
girls talk about guys.

--Guys hate rejection, but they hate
being led on even more.

--If you are going to reject a guy,
just do it. Don't say they are like a
brother or just good friends, it just
hurts even more. Tell them that you
aren't interested in a relationship
and they will respect you.

--Guys really think that girls are
strange and have unpredictable
decisions and are MAD confusing but
somehow are drawn even more to them.

--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and
health just to be with you, he really
likes you and wants to be with you as
much as possible.

Well... There u go. Enlightened?

Ciao~

"Back to stone age... Forward together."

Hopeful

2008-01-25T04:31:00.000+08:00

"Have a good evening..."

She smiled at me.

I melted.

A counter between us.

The employee.

The customer.

Apple Pies

Time passed.

I got her number.

2210h

Friendship.

The Girl

The Guy

Something more?

I hope.

"Have a good evening... Yea, you too..."

Fading Dreams

2008-01-05T06:17:00.000+08:00

"There are three kinds of people on Earth..."

All men have dreams

There are those who pursue and realize

There are those who let go and throw away

There are also those who remain silent

And hold on to that dream for the remainder of their lives

"There are three kinds of people on Earth... and I am the last of the three."

Grand Finale

2008-01-02T04:14:00.000+08:00

"It's the end..."

I can be VERY Judgemental. Especially about people. I normally dont bear any preconcieved impressions abt people until I've gotten to know them myself. And be it love or hate, my feelings for people tend to EXPLODE obviously for everyone to see.

A New Year tends to be followed closely by fireworks. Oh... By all means, enjoy THIS bright spectacle.

I tried to be civil. I tried to find opportunities to PERSONALLY ask for forgiveness... That is going so far as to even admit I'm wrong.

But you...

You blew me off in the worse possible ways. Now more than ever, u dont care abt what I have to say. U never did anyway. It's just... I'm not gonna sit around and take this shit anymore. Not from you. U dont care to give our friendship a chance? FINE!

FUCK YOU TO HELL KELLY LIM!

God willing, I never wanna see or hear from the likes of you again. To see some like you so... ugly. It's disappointing. You're a BITCH. It's sad to even admit that I had ever fallen so deep for you. I cant believe how I let myself be so miserable without you. I must say it doesn't irk me so to spread this fact around. Such a shallow heartless bitch like you runnin around, I have to warn others. I feel like Eminem having to come up with a rap just to diss you. You're... DISGUSTING!

Wee~

New Year fireworks! The countdown was pretty cool though. xD

First day of school was okay I guess. After classes, went to get a hair cut with Mail. Thanks man! He really patiently accompanied me through the whole ORDEAL which lasted about an hour. =)

Then on our way back we met Roy, Han and Mommy. Roy and Mommy were celebrating New Year's with their families, which kinda obliterated any plans for the day which we were looking forward to.

So we kinda lost our mood and decided to tag along with Phantos for lunch. Shared a Buddy Meal with Mail. Fyrtho also had their outing at the exact same location which provided us with some lunchtime entertainment. We played "Pepsi Cola 1-2-3" and wasted money at the arcade before deciding to go our separate ways. Haix... I really wanted to spend the new year with them. So sad. Feels a lil bit like Christmas this year.

I think the only thing that went right that day was dinner with Accion. Me, Luffy and Angie were the first to arrive. Shared a venti Java Chip Frappe at Starbucks while waitin for the rest. Nice and chunky. :)

Dinner plan was to ta pau and find a place to sit together. We found a quiet corner in Raffles City B1 still under construction. Camwhored as we ate. Sunny had this really cool belt with a scrolling LED display. He also brought along his friend Jeslyn who was good company and kinda familiar. Where have I met her before???

Anyway...

After that a bunch of us decided to party at Shep's place for countdown. He was a GREAT host and the countdown was a BLAST. The best I've had so far filled with plenty of cheers.

Special thanks to Joanne and Adrian for teaching me Rubix Cube.

And...

No thanks to Kelly for ruining my first moments of the new year.

We went to Simpang Bedok for supper. A group of banglas wished us Happy New Year otw there and a barking dog scared the living shit outta me. Luffy was good company though. Hahax.

After having our pratas we headed back to Shep's and rested awhile before taking off. By that time buses and trains were already running. Before we left, we watched this really interesting show on Discovery Channel about the dirtiest and yet funnest jobs on Earth. Wrecking buildings by hand is a fun ass job. Good for stress relief, but need muscle. lol

Slept like a log till abt 9PM at NIGHT. There goes any plans I had for the day... xD

A belated...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

to everyone. Have a wonderful 2008! =)

Ciao~

"It's the end... of all things. Good and Not-So-Good."

Insomniatic!!!

2007-12-30T06:26:00.000+08:00

"Lost in the moonlight..."

It's 6.25 in the mornin... I just wrapped up my third consecutive day of thonning. @.@

On Thursday I met up with Uncle Han. Went for a stroll around the pasar malam....

First time I actually got to take time and see stuff there considerin its been there for quite awhile oreh.

Then we went to the arcade at TM where Mail joined us. Played Ghost Squad.

SUPER VALUE=1 Token lasts a very long time

Han is SUPER PRO sia. He can finish the game in like 2 tokens. =X

Then we went for supper. I had Siew Mai, Ramly Burger, and Cheese Dogs. Shiok sia my stomach. Hahax

We chilled at Mac for awhile till Han had to go. Then me and Mail moved to the playground opposite Century where we chat the night away. Seriously enjoyed the long conversation. Bitching la, girl problems la, cars and bikes la, eye candies la... Chatting abt anythin under the sun. Never a dull moment. :)

Started headin home at abt 6++

On Friday, indulged myself with a Movie marathon. My 2nd if I count the nearly 2-day one I had on Christmas Eve.

Nothin much to say except that it left me lots of time to think about stuff... Important stuff.

Slept at 7++

Saturday was interestin. I was disturbed from what little sleep I had when my mom told me I had to attend my grandmother's clan reunion.

All the descendants of my GREAT GREAT Grandfather were in attendance. It was like 300++ ppl. All family. Had fun with my cousins. Ate lotsa Deng Deng among other things and proved my wits solving riddles and quizes representing my mom's side of the family.

Then I met up with Mail and Hazim for a movie. I am Legend ROCKS. It had me at the edge of my seat. So terrifying. xD

Then we went to my place. I got changed, we watched some MGS4 videos and set of for the arcade. Played Ghost Squad again. Did worse than the previous time. :(

Then we did the sweetest thing of all. We made our way to a certain place near Tampines Mart, bought cup noodles and drinks, and staked our a nearby elevator.

What we were actually doin was waitin for Mommy to come back. Her flight came in at abt 1am. Then we ambushed her as she arrived at her block. Kinda cool. =P

Han joined us soon after and we spent quality time till abt 5am. Played with Mommy's pet cats which irritated Mail's eyes and nose. Aparently he's allergic to ONLY her cats. Hahahax

Walked home after that. Super tired. But here I am now, blogging no less xD

Tml I'm stayin in to sleep. Need to reset my biological clock b4 school starts. Zzzz

Lookin forward to the new year and another ACCION OUTING. :)

Ciao~

"Lost in the moonlight... into sleepless nights."

Back in Action

2007-12-28T02:12:00.000+08:00

"Three blind mice..."

Accion outing was a blast!!! BANG!

Turnout was admirable despite ppl bein busy chionging projects and CCAs.

Anyway...

We had a prata dinner opposite school. Lots of straw-splittin, milo-penging dinosaur Accion. lol

The service at that so-called "far-prata-place" was as lousy as I remembered. They screwed up Yufei's order and charged us for stuff we didn't order. Haiyo... Lucky Wai Hong was there to settle all our bills. Thankews. :)

Note to self: Next time eat at the other place. xD

AND

AND

AND

My lighter spoiled T.T

After that...

We lepak at the playground. Not the usual one, the one across the field. It's like... where do they come up with all the fruit names for the playgrounds?!

Anyways, we played blind mice. DAMN FUN!!!

It's a very physical game . Imagine a teeny-weeny playground with like 20 guys squeezing and hanging off it to avoid getting caught. Shiok ah...

Btw...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TJ!!!

We planned him a surprise party. The timing was almost perfect lah. He was blind mice so he couldn't see the cake comin. And... If ur wonderin what happened to the tube of Wasabi, it ended up with me. @.@

We played summore till like 11pm. Sunny suffered a forfeit. He had to swallow WASABI with well... PURE WASABI. It took the force of many men to hold him down as he struggled to get it in his mouth. reminds me of the RAW egg he swallowed for OTC. I bet he can go Fear Factor and win. xD

Then sat down to discuss empire stuff like next outing etc before goin our separate ways. Forgot to mention that I ABSOLUTELY love the T-Shirt designs we came up with. :)

Side note: Serene has a POWERFUL laser.

Kay Kay. Tired Tired. Nitez Nitez.

Take care y'all... ACCION BANG!

Ciao~

"Three blind mice... See how they bond?"

Solitude

2007-12-25T19:29:00.000+08:00

"Ku petik Bintang dari langit..."

I'm... I can't find the words to say this in English so... Sorry.

Gw skrng nyesal. Emang dari awalnya gw udah tw gw gk bisa hidup tanpa lo. Secoba mungkin gw tutup hati, tiap kali nama lo terucap... Tetap sakit hati gw.

Mengapa ya? Mengapa kita berdua bisa jd ky gini? Gw sadar mungkin gw egois. Waktu kesal, gw anggap lo fikirannya ky anak2 aja. Tp skrng ku sadar, itu jg gw harus nerima. Maaf ya?

Gw juga mw ngaku... meskipun gw syg bgt terhadap lo. Gw... Gw gk pernah berani ngaku. Perasaan gw, semuanya, gw nyimpan.

Gw cinta bgt ama lo.

Meski lo terus sakitin aku, gw selalu diam aja. Gw selalu lepaskan aja. Tw kan kapan?

Hari itu jg... Gw gk berani bilang gw mw sendirian ama lo. Gw gk berani bilang gw gk mw ke JB. Gw gk berani bilang gw punya rencana buat kita berdua.

Gw egois. Gw takut. Gw gk mw kalah. Gw takut lo gk kan nerima perasaan gw klo gw ngakuin cinta gw. Gw takut klo lo tw lo nyakitin gw, hubungan antara kita kan jd pahit.

Skrng...

Skrng gw mohon. Maafkan aku.

AHEM... Sry about that. ^^

And...

I hope if u are the intended audience. Or at least if u think u are... I hope u understand what im trying to put across. If not TALK TO ME and I'll help u. hahax

See? I no life. Sittin at home alone on Christmas. Blogging. Watchin TV. Hahax

Mebbe I'll head out or smth. Haix...

Okay. That's all and...

Merry Christmas
Everyone!!!

OH!

OH!

OH!

Okay then... I have some photos I wanna post but... I'M LAZY. So I'll postpone it. :P

Take care. :)

Ciao~

"Ku petik Bintang dari langit... Untukmu simpan..."

Black Holes & Revelations

2007-12-23T01:41:00.000+08:00

"It's not that you have no right to..."

I don't care anymore. That's it.

Who is wrong. Who was selfish. Who gave a damn. Who was hurt.

It means nothing to me anymore. I'm too tired to dispute.

Believe what u want. Feel free to hate me.

That special place in my heart is gone now... And I don't know if it's funny or sad that I don't have the urge to mourn. It's that painless.

I've taken all this as a sign.

Thanks for the memories. As many good ones as we've created.

I'll resign the post as ur Care Person to someone who could truly care abt it. It's a big shoe to fill perhaps even for me. Afterall, the prerequisite is someone who gives a damn. And I just dont... I just cant anymore. I'm not prepared.

I don't know if ur even willing to have me as a friend. But I sincerely wish u have a good life ahead anyway. Cheers :)

See ya around.

Ciao~

"It's not that you have no right to... It was the way u asked."

Shiseiken

2007-12-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

"We are LEGEND..."

A whirlwind of emotions, laughter and memories...

Day: Saturday
Who: Han, Mail, Roy and Haziq

Guys' Night Out. Went to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks at Cineleisure.

We started out at PS, Bought stuff at Daiso for like $2 only. Yea ok... Everythin there's $2. But compared to other fixed price stores, I find the range of products at Daiso ALOT better. So many things u could actually use and stuff ppl actually NEED for a cool $2. I wanted that water weight/bottle!!! :(

Then we made our way to Cathay Grand and then Cineleisure to look for tix. But cant find good seats. Spent, we settled on front row seats at Cinileisure. Aiya! Not so bad what. At least we sat together.

After getting tix, we walked our way to Far East Plaza area to look for Roy's shoes. On the way there... No. Actually the whole day we galavanted around town doing REALLY embarrassing things and being public nuisances. From skirt chasing, street side pranks (Look up! What's that??? lol), to antics on the escalators. I think the worst was when the mascot wearing the Theodore costume at Cineleisure gave us the finger for disturbing him. hahahahax

Spent the train ride home "bitching" (our new favourite activity). Had lots of fun today and there will be more to come. Sometimes, I feel things are better if it's just us guys. Less complicated. I like being carefree, the freedom to act stupid together. xD

Day: Sunday
Who: Kelly, Mail and Eric

Supposed to be my "Reunion" with Kelly. But things got complicated.

Things were fine at first. Had lunch and looked for OTC stuff. Then...

Eric showed up.

Things went downhill from there. I got upset. They left for JB. I got myself stoned.

I'm being SELFISH? Fine. I'm not the one smiling. Even if I go or don't go. It's cheaper or more expensive. That's not the point. If it's cheaper for YOU, I'd be more than happy to go. But my problem is... It's supposed to be OUR Reunion. OUR day out. It pissed me off that my opinion didn't matter at all. You made a decision with Eric and just decided to drag me along. So fine... Go have YOUR JB trip with Eric. Have fun.

So much for reunion. I feel even even further from you now that there's this "Causeway" between us. Luckily... Mail saved the day. We bought OTC stuff and had dinner.

See? So hard izit? We spent like less than 15mins at Watsons and got everything. I think YOU were dragging ur feet at TM. Took so long and found NOTHING. I don't appreciate it. If we had it out of the way earlier, don't think we'd need Eric around, do we? Faster settle than can enjoy real quality time together. Movie or not. Expensive or not. It's that simple. What's wrong with you?

Anyway, I had a heart to heart with Mail over dinner and I calmed down. If not, we wouldn't be having wine later on and the Sauvignon Blanc Chardonnay would have been alot harder to swallow.

Bitched with Mail on the way home. He ROCKS!!!

Day: Monday
Who: Accion, Zain, Adilah, Jasmine, Bee Siang and the Guys

First day of OTC.

Met for breakfast and reported to Sports Hall.

Enter Accion.

Not too many people I know. But we got along fine after awhile. Made lotsa new friends.

Came up with cool cheers. I think our Empire Flag rocks! Kudos to Isaac, Angie and the other designers.

Programmers rocked too. Especially the great Chef Muhammad. He left quite the impression on us. He's cool.

At night...

Enter Sarong Party Guys.

Hahax. Me, Zain and Han fooled around. We damn er xin sia! Roy act as our pimp summore. :P

Play cards and bitched before goin to bed at 3am.

Small world:
Me > Yanny (Accion)
Me > Adilah (Phone-Web)

Yanny > Adilah (Floorball)
Yanny > Jasmine (Floorball)

Jasmine > Han (Primary school)

In other words, it's like friendster. We share common friends but not be aware of it. Hahahax

Day: Tuesday
Who: Accion

Day 2 of OTC.

Accion was super hyper during the day. Cheered throughout. YEAAAA!!!

We were more coordinated. More bonded. More Energy.

But still got more roon for improvement.

I feel Night walk was a disaster though.

Fell asleep almost immediately after lights out. Was pooped out lol

At one point I was so spent that i couldn't even produce my phone number when asked. @.@

Day: Wednesday
Who: Accion, and the Guys

Day 3 of OTC.

Had lotsa fun. Carnival games rocked. Wet and wild!!!

I heard alot of empires had issues with "leading" and initiative during "Hunt-gry".

We were pissed at times ourselves at Accion out of frustration. But I really have alot of respect for us as a group. I feel as a group, unlike some others, we gave everyone a chance to lead. The method of communication and decision making we used was to me quite efficient at times. Everyone gave ideas, but wasn't too chaotic. Remember guys, raise ur hands if u have something to contribute. :)

Congrats Xavier for winning best GL for Accion. He's cool!!!

Ppl say there wasn't really any prominent GLs from Accion. That's because we ALL stood out together. Not always the same old face. I love the feedback sessions during debrief. How we took the constructive criticism could be seen in how we improve day after day. Geraldine, Maybeline and Jing Wen were truly FAs worthy of respect. Ever wondered why our debriefs always took so long? They have so many useful things to tell us that's why. :)

"Become closer to the ideal GL u wanna be."

ACCION ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!

After OTC...

Had dinner with the guys. Bitched alot! Then we met up with Mommy cuz she's goin to Indo on Thursday. Missed her alot at OTC. Love u all!

So that's it for my long week. Now gotta get ready for SR Nathan Cup. Think I'm gonna be late... xD

OH!

OH!

OH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEGUM!!!

and...

Selamat Hari Raya Haji

to all my Muslim friends.

Take care y'all!

Ciao~

"We are LEGEND... and then I nudge my friend. xD"

Timeshares

2007-12-13T23:14:00.001+08:00

"Like sand through the hourglass..."

Wow! One day left till exams finish. DAMN excited... Finally so many things to blog about. :)

First off...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE!!!

Being the sweet sweeeeeeet guy that I am, I got her presents. Chocolates no less. :P

And let it be known... Today, on the 13th of December 2007, history was made. It is the first time EVER Hadi had lunch with Ahmad on school grounds in our combined 4 years of life in TP. Interesting having lunch with our school Debates team. Some familiar faces and more new friends. Paki and his laptop provided amusing conversation. lolz

My exams have yet to finish and I've already made plans for the Holidays. I'm FULLY BOOKED from tomolo till next Saturday. It's like I'm selling my time in blocks of days and hours so fast that I've only a week left to play with lol

From Boys' Night Out to my long awaited reunion with Kelly. Not to mention OTC. One plan seems to lead to another. Never thought I could squeeze so much into the short span of 2 weeks. Get to catch up with so many ppl. Really looking forward to it. :)

No Christmas plans yet tho... Any takers? :P

Whew... Guess I can say confidently that I've recovered from the spell that struck me last post. Feelin much betta. Hehex

I'M IMMORTAL AGAIN!!!

I really feel like radiating love to everyone I know. Bless u all!

That's it. I'm officially HIGH bwahahaha

Kay... Time to go mug for DBIS. Wish me luck! :)

Ciao~

"Like sand through the hourglass... So are the days of our lives..."

The Screams Within

2007-12-02T12:26:00.000+08:00

"To soothe the savage beast..."

I feel like my life is spinning out of control.

My health hasn't been so much like my normal immortal self. Fever and stomach pains have kept me out of school half the week.

I missed lots of important classes and mid-sem is just around the corner. Can't say im not worried.

Missed my last day of work. My saikangs called in though, seeing if I was alright.

Pool. Somebody destroyed the middle table at the lounge while I was gone. Now we have one left. Finding out who's responsible wont solve anything at this point. I'm just sad. Another piece of home... Gone.

My temper is... I don't know what to say about it. I'm usually a patient guy. But over the week, I lashed out at my brothers, Douglas, Zain.... Over such trivial matters. I'm so sorry.

There are also problems at home that I can't talk about here.

I wanna fix things. Get my life in order but it's just.... depressing. I don't think I have it in me anymore to keep fighting. I don't know whether I'll survive, whether I can make to next year in school or even with a roof over my head. So many uncertainties...

I don't have a guiding light to keep running to even through dark times. Not anymore.

Emmz took me out to catch a movie on Friday. It helped me take my mind off things. At least for awhile. Thank you Mom. :)

I need help. I need hope.

Take care and study hard ppl...

Ciao~

"To soothe the savage beast... To give hope."

Mastication

2007-11-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

"I've got the need..."

Let's take a vacation into a fun post for once. Due to the lack of other mind-numbing activities to partake in today, I ended up indulging myself to various culinary delights.

Yes.

That's right.

Hadi actually ate.

Yup. Even the carbohydrates.

LOL. So anorexic of me. :P

First off was lunch with Yvonne. Had Lamb Shoulder from Mensa. Thoroughly enjoyed it. I think it was cooked to perfection. I wasn't struggling too hard to cut through the fats and the meat was tender. What's more, take a look at THIS...

That's right. We brought the plates up to the lounge. Think we were the first to do it. Save 20¢ and plastic for the packaging. Win-win situation for us and the environment. =P

Stayed in the lounge till 4pm to catch a lil shut eye before work.

Today my job was to train my would-be replacement. His name is Eric Son. First impression was...

"Wa kao!!! This guy is super skinny. He's the only guy in ALL of Prego wearing an S size shirt."

He asked alot of questions. Which is good. I like his attitude. Ready to learn.

I had a sort of inpromptu interview with him. Asked alot of stupid questions. Very funny. xD

I asked him...

Hadi: Do u drink?

Eric: As in alcohol? No.

Hadi: How come?

Eric: I'm allergic to alcohol.

Everyone at the table: *Nearly falls off chair laughing*

Ever heard of such a case? Like really OMG.

Imagine his wedding toast... PLAIN WATER. Bwahahahaha!

Oh!

Dinner was OMG SUPER INCREDIBLE. Being my last few days and all, my manager treated me to a few hundred dollars worth of F-R-E-E food from the restaurant. He literally asked me what I havent tasted yet and ordered it for me.

So I had Cesare, Duck Breast Skewer, Spaghetti Arabiatta, Lasagne and Tiramisu. All topped off with a bottle of Chardonnay. Waited till closing time to be served so I could enjoy it with all my Sai Kangs. They really missed me lah. It's touching. :)

So full and contented. The best part I have to say was the duck skewer. Really nice and juicy. What a way to go~

Wednesday is my absolute last day anyway. So sad. I really like working there. I'm gonna miss everyone. So I dedicate this post to Mr. Allan, Mr. Naveen, Mr. Richard, Chef Salvatore, David, Gilbert, Ravin, Ivan and my Sai kangs. I wish the business best of luck in the coming years. Special mention to one of my colleagues, Hou Tie, who is recovering after a motorbike accident. hope he gets well soon.

Kay lah... I'm hungry again. I'm gonna go get FAT hahax

Take care y'all :)

Ciao~

"I've got the need... I've got the need to feed. =P"

Causality

2007-11-26T08:08:00.000+08:00

"The choices that I have made..."

In the course of everything that has gone on recently, I have lost the trust of some of my peers. I hope they understand that there is a reason behind everything I do. I do not derive pleasure from betraying their trust or hurting them. Life is complicated, shit happens etc. Whatever it is, I swear I'll work hard to earn back the trust that I lost.

I guess I'm just more honest than others about my feelings towards ppl. I do not belong to any exclusive social group. In a way, I guess that gives me freedom sometimes to just speak my mind without having to worry that my place in a particular clique will be threatened. Talking about stuff behind ppl's backs is rather "fake" don't u think?

Why be ashamed of feelings about someone that can change at anytime? Ear-marking ppl who u know have a problem with u isn't much better. Why can't we just be civil and honest at the same time? At least when we're honest both parties are aware there's a problem and can work together to resolve it. Much better right?

Bottomline is like my previous post. Be nice to EVERYONE. Not just to certain ppl in ur clique. Even if u dun like someone, co-existing without any violent reactions would make the atmosphere much better for everyone else. It'll solve so many problems... Including falling lounge duty attendance. LOL

I feel that in defending this ideal, I have sacrificed alot lately in terms of relationships. That's why... I wanna take this opportunity to thank those who still stick by me regardless and understand the vision I am striving for. :)

Raining again. Lounge curtains are open... Zzzz

Take care y'all :)

Ciao~

"The choices that I have made... Have yielded its effects. I will not stray..."

Changing of the Guard

2007-11-24T03:04:00.000+08:00

"Friends stand by each other..."

How far have I strayed? Who do I believe in?

I was hurt today. In so many ways. Pain from others. Inflicted and shared.

It all led to one conclusion. It opened my eyes in the midst of anger and frustration.

I want to run for Exco next year. I will try my best no matter the odds.

But what is it worth to me? What do I hope to achieve? Why do I want to run?

I've told a few people before. There was something I wanted to prove...

When i first spoke of joining TPSU Subcomm, a certain someone told me:

"I'd never make it. I didn't go to FOC/FOW."

At first I wondered... Why not?

He told me:

"I have no contacts."

Why should that have been a problem?

I soon realized what he meant the minute I stepped into Subcomm Orientation Camp.

Scythia... Kaistor... Zilra...

Cliques in general. Old lines were still drawn. Everyone stuck to the same friends they made in FO. It was an obviously segmented society. Where people belonged to a clique or not at all. They seem to have forgotten. We are Temasek Polytechnic Students' Union. NOT temasek Polytechnic CLIQUES' Union. We are one TPSU.

Despite that... I fought on. I slowly found myself a place I belonged. A place I called home. I had faith. Given time things would slowly die down between FO Empires and we could all just.. Just be REAL friends. A family. I was lucky. Not so many were able to find as many real friends as I did. Perhaps it's due to my tendency to not to hang around for too long with the same group of ppl. Read down in my blog. You'll notice. Different faces. Different smiles. Different memories.

But sadly... As Tat Yi told me before...

"We have 180++ subcomms(even some new ones now). I always see the same old faces at the lounge and events. What about the rest?"

He advised me then, late in sem 1.1 to reach out and pull ppl back in. I swear I respect him alot. He inspired me. So I set out to do it. My pool of pool students are a testament to that. I see a new face? I offer to teach em pool. Give them a reason to come to the lounge. Give them fun they could have while interacting with fellow subcomms. Give them my heartfelt friendship. I sayang them so much. I know their strengths and weaknesses. Their insecurities. I get to know them a lil deeper every game we play. It would give me great pride if one day all of them could beat me and say with confidence:

"Who wants to lose at pool?"

Back to the main point... Why do we only see the same old faces? Because the same old faces are always cooped up with their own cliques. Reluctant to take time and forge lasting friendships with others. I'm not pointing fingers but aside from names, what else do they really now about others? Their course? Perhaps where they live? Isn't that superficial? It amounts to nothing if you dont share lasting experiences and memories. It would hurt so much for them to forfeit a meal with their clique to share a meal with someone they hardly know. Still an exclusive community.

So that's what I'm trying to prove. TPSU is not a place where only cliques could thrive and find happiness. To achieve something like getting into Exco without one. I would have made my point. But it doesn't end there. In Exco I could reach out to more people. Push for a change. Kay lah... I've got my eyes settled on Social or Prezzie. So long as I can reach out and make a difference.

And that leads me to today...

I was seriously pissed and agitated since the day started for some reason. But it only got worse as the day progressed. Especially into the evening.

In chronological order.

To Claudine:

I need to apologize if I was rather harsh on u today. But, this has to end. We tend to say things that hurt each other at times. That's a risk with any friendship. So yeah. I want peace. I hope u dont hate me. Cuz i dont hate u. :)

To Kelly:

U could have met up with me sooner? So much more u could have done. I'm not being unreasonable. If u didn't want to sit alone... U could have found someone better than Brainer. That hurt me. U knew it would. Perhaps if you knew better, u'd know the many things u do these days that hurt me. U'd know why i was upset during Jam and Hop. Perhaps u'd even know how much I love u. That's why... I'll let it go. I wont force u into anything. I'll give u that respect.

To Lynette:

I believed in you. If anyone was capable and able to achieve what I've written above with me. It would have been u. Perhaps I was wrong. U have changed. I'm disappointed. I know... I've read ur blog. But... It doesn't change anything. In the LT... That side I saw of u was not mature. It kinda disgusted me. I know u were looking for any way the event could have been executed better. It was well intended. I'd have done the same. But... yelling at us? We were already moving. The look in ur eyes. U looked almost obsessed, caught up. U looked too eager to please. And I'd say I've been right on the money with the company ur keeping and ur attitude lately. Hence my reply: "We heard him the first time..."

Other things happened today... Went for sort of a hike before dinner. What's important was that I stood by my friends. Especially those that stood by me when I was in need. Thank u Mail. I know it should be the other way round. But I took away something important from that whole experience. Thank you for opening ur world to me. Thank u for ur friendship. It means alot to me :)

That sums it up. For now...

Take care people. ^^

Ciao~

"Friends stand by each other... True friends make friends at the same time."

What Lies Within?

2007-11-20T15:20:00.001+08:00

"Sugar, spice and everything nice..."

A tip for the wise... Never get caught in the rain after Gym. It'll make u really sick. Really SORE too.

Anyway, that left me lots of time to be introspective. I found myself thinking about people around me lately. How some of them surprise and even inspire me sometimes.

It made me think about what role I wanna play in their lives. I know lah! Most of the time I'm just being lame. But I really love and treasure them even though I dont show. So I was thinking... Perhaps I should let myself shine through a lil more. Be a better friend every day. That's my goal. :)

Anyways I found out... I MADE IT INTO OTC. Most of my friends did too. Im glad. Lots of fun comin our way. Yay!

Kay... Time for photos.

Wee~ The colors... The people... The memories. :)

And yah, ending off. i just wanna say that claudine & lynette are damn cute. x)

Ciao~

"Sugar, Spice and everything Nice... The perfect guy is made with lots of heart."

System of Irony

2007-11-18T02:37:00.000+08:00

"Believe the truth..."

It's been ages since I've blogged. But somethin that happened recently and the feedback I've been gettin abt it has called me into action.

TP RAWKS

Or more precisely the Jam & Hop. I dont know if word has gotten around yet but in case you haven't heard, it was a mess. There was a killer performance. There was an under-capacity venue. There were TP students left locked out.

Speaking as a student, I cant help but feel it was unfair on so many levels. We can kid ourselves and say it was for security reasons and to keep the peace. But nevertheless... It doesn't change the fact that IT WAS UNFAIR. Face it! TP Students, our friends, who have been anticipating the event with all the hype stirred up by its publicity were left wanting and betrayed. Who's decision was it? A bunch of so-called "Grown-Ups" in our school Corporate Comittee. They may have won over the Rawkers but they have lost so much more...

Speaking as a member of TPSU, I have drawn quite abit of flak from my friends. Especially those who were actually outside TCC. Some were quick to show me their dissapointment. Some even went so far as blaming TPSU for not doing anything. But... I can understand how they feel. Perhaps they were quite emotional after the whole ordeal. It's forgivable.

Yet... It left me thinking...

"Managed by Students, For Students"

But what did we do for them that night? There could have been more we could have done... We SHOULD have done more. Maybe we do deserve the blame... The impression my friends have left me today was that the trust that the students had for us has been shaken. The fault was not entirely ours but... We're the ones that the students could actually take a swing at. Something has to change... We need to make it up to them in some way.

Wow... It's really late. I need a lil sleep to cool my head. Mebbe I'll blog abt happier stuff next time around. Alot of pics are overdue for posting too....

Ciao~

"Believe the truth... Within their lies..."

Thriller

2007-11-03T03:33:00.000+08:00

"Can u handle me?..."

These few days have been light and fun... Unlike my bleak forecast earlier in the week.

Thursday...

I got a fourth Pool student, Violet. She has a loooong way to go though before she's any match for her seniors.

Then... We had a surprise Birthday party for Haziq. The look on his face? Priceless. Teased Emmz alot about him *AHEM*... I mean Dad. Jkjk

Anyway... We then had a proper dinner at Ramenten. It's a new Jap Restaurant at Century Square. Food not bad overall. Liked the hotpot soup even if it was from Emmz's plate. :P

We played "I have never..." at CPF till abt 11.45pm. Revealing much about our not-so-straight selves. hahahahx

Claud and Emmz kacau me. :(

Keep attacking my weak spot.

OH! OH! OH!

On the way back... You wont believe who we met on the bus.

Lo and behold, It was HAZIQ!!! Bwahahaha!

Coincidence? or FATED??? :P

Hahax... Emmz has the lousiest luck on Earth.

Speaking of Emmz... We did lots of camwhoring this week. But someone has yet to send us the photos... I wonder who... :P

Friday...

School's okay. Spent most of it supporting Emmz's Captain's Ball team play at the CM cup. They did quite well considering the competition was SERIOUSLY stiff. Didn't manage a victory. But I applaude their spirit and sportsmanship. :)

Weekend's all abt work. Got story lah as usual... this time about this RUDE and INCONSIDERATE China-Man who ate my WHOLE lasagne on his own. But nah... Dun wanna bore ya with the details. I'd be ranting on and on abt how pissed I was.

Kay... That's it for tonight and this week. Take care and see ya then. :)

Ciao~

"Can u handle me?... I can't hahax"

The Pursuit

2007-11-01T02:34:00.000+08:00

"It never ends... "

I went all out. I desperately needed to forget. Pursuit or escape? I ran....

I taught Xiao Ming and Emilla pool. Officialy student #2 & #3 respectively. They learned pretty fast. One day they'd make great challenges. I enjoyed myself anyway. Hope they did too.

Then...

I had a belated Birthday dinner at Pizza Hut with Claudine, Emilla and Jamil. Fascinated by the staff there. They were all so young. Reminds me of kids working with me back at LJS. So short oso. Emilla took pics. I'll post em when i get em. Hahax

Anyways, I felt horrible in the end cuz Emilla and Claudine wouldn't let me pay my share. C'mon lah... It's not nice to let girls pick up the tab alone. Gentleman or not. Haix...

After that we went window shopping. Looking at the cool new Xpress Music phones by Nokia. I wanna get myself a 5610 before my phone depreciates too much.

Thanks guys. For today, for tomorrow... We had lots of fun and laughter. I really need that right now. I enjoy ur company. :)

Today was a wonderful distraction. An escape of sorts from what's been plaguing my mind in e past few days.

Umm... I just got this. Thought I'd "pin" it up here since they've been special to me today. It's from Subcomm Tea Party. Not too long ago...

Claudine, Me, Emilla

I've been running... Escaping from a sadness, a fear, a close friend. Pursuing happiness, fleeting smiles, new friends to fill the void left behind.

IT ENDS

God Bless and take care :)

Ciao~

"It never ends... This painful road I run. Away from you."

Unbreakable

2007-10-30T00:53:00.000+08:00

"Moments of Weakness..."

Today was super sian. Really cannot tahan lah.

So dull. Nth to do at the lounge. I even slept. Gideon slept. Eric slept. Get the picture? lol

Anyways, that's not the only reason why today sucked. I've been feeling rather weak... Frail since this mornin. I felt like fainting while waitin for my mom to fetch me from office. It developed into a headache in the evening which sent me to bed for another 4 hours.

See lah... Now I cant sleep. Slept too much oreh. Haix

Anyways, here's some interesting photos I took in e past couple of weeks:

This one's kinda dated. Found it lying dormant in my phone. Some details abt that day I'd rather forget. But still good memories. ^^

That's where I work. Everytime I look at this, it inspires me to work my way to the top. Majestic isn't it? :)

My super hip super cool aunt. It's like... She's a Head Nurse at TTSH ICU, was formerly in a gang, was on TV before during SARS period, rides a motorcycle (NOT that Mini Yamaha :P) and can still juggle 2 kids plus my grandparents. Like WOW!!!

Wokay! Methinks that's all 4 today. Now I'm gonna go back to watchin Avatar on VeohTV. *SHRUGS*

Take care :)

Ciao~

"Moments of Weakness... Is where we find the strength to pick ourselves up."

Rebirth

2007-10-29T04:14:00.000+08:00

"Icing on the cake..."

Wow... Super late post. hahax

Hope u like the new layout. I find it very... Refreshing and comfy on the eyes. The song playin is Young Folks. Smth I heard on radio recently. My bro says it's used in an ad for Grey's Anatomy. Catchy~

A fitting new me for my birthday.

I really enjoyed myself. I'd say it's my best Bday in forever. I really wanna thank the ppl that spent their time with me today. I'll treasure the memories. :)

It's really undescribable. No expensive gifts. No surprise party. No big crowds of well-wishers. Just a quiet movie and dinner with ppl who matter to me. Well... Not so quiet.

Rather than hear me ramble on abt it... Here are some pics:

Nice building on e way....

Welcome to Hyang To Gol

Saba Fish= $5 Cheaper :P

The Main Event

My first LEGAL bottle of Wine happens to be F-R-E-E :)

Apparently I'm 1yr old now lol

Now we know the cause of world hunger... DECIMATED the spread. Bwahahaha!!!

Rahz and Jinx were regretably missed. We'll prolly celebrate our Bdays together after A lvls. Any reason to party. lol

Still wish they were around. Then today would have been perfect. :(

On a totally relevant but otherwise unrelated note...

ARSENAL DREW LIVERPOOL

Watched it at a hawker centre with my lil bro. Nice spending time with him. I really sayang my adik. :)

But...

Wa kao! They could have won easily lah. At least Arsenal didn't lose on my Bday. hahax

Once again... This hasn't been the perfect Bday. But still the BEST.

Lets hope next year will be better. :)

Ciao~

P.S> So sorry that I wasn't punctual at all today. I did enjoy ur company. Not much more I could have asked from u guys. Thx for bearing with me. Thx for waiting. ^^

"Icing on the cake... Is not having to wish u were here."

Fresh-Mode

2007-10-23T03:11:00.000+08:00

"Any fresher..."

Hmmm... It's 3 in e mornin. I dun feel lyk sleepin. Bored...

So I blog.

First day of skool... Bittersweet to be fair.

All the ppl I'm dying to see again... Dun have.

All the ppl I really dont wanna see... Was in my face.

But all turned out okay I guess. That goes for GL/PL interview too.

Special thanks goes to the Dance Ensemble members who sang skool song with me in e lounge. :)

Leaving the lounge at 4pm feels wierd. I usually stay into the evenings. I miss those days. Days playing pool. Days when I had dinner with friends. Days at the playground...

The playground's gone. I associate so many things, so many memories to that place. Mishka, the swing, "I have never...", Simpsons, chatting in a circle, even that stupid man who keeps complainin we make too much noise. I'm really gonna miss it.

Work was fun today though...

We were let off at 9pm cuz there was only 37 reservations. SO EARLY. Compared to last week's average of 200 plus OT, this cant even be called "work". Even while we worked the atmosphere was light and playful. Like a picnic. The chefs and waiters took turns massaging each other. Then we played with Pasta dough. Hahax... It got all over my face lah. Fun.

We had nth better to do lah. So we all just shared a large portion of Calamari Rings before goin off. I love Prego. I love my job. :)

Ciao~

"Any fresher... U have to peel it urself."

Men on Fire

2007-10-20T02:46:00.000+08:00

"Tell me..."

Let it be known that Friday, 19th of October was by far the TOUGHEST day of my life.

I've been through extremes of hardship in the past at Long John Silver's but this...

This...

Nothing can compare to this.

Woke up at 11am. Wasn't feeling well. I had the dinner shift, so I called in sick. But decided to try to go to work cuz I sayang my saikangs alot. My manager told me:

"No worries. If u dont turn up, we'll assume ur not well enuff to come to work. Eat alot and get some rest. Take care."

See? So nice rite? :)

Went to the Polyclinic for an MC anyway. But...

At the Polyclinic, after waiting abt 30mins to get into the consultation room. Along came Doctor Hashim Johan.

That so-called "Medical Practitioner" gave me attitude. He gave me some kinda sarcastic face. But failed to give me any respect. Failed to give me any medicine. And failed to give me my MC.

Seriously... The bastard never took me seriously the minute he saw me. Still got the cheek to make me pay the bill. This kinda ppl sure wun live long one.

So rmb. If ur waiting at Tampines Polyclinic and the sign on the door says "Dr Hashim Johan", ur better of catching the next bus 27 to Seng Kang and go to the Polyclinic there. Staff alot nicer. So much for my first visit to Tampines one. What a waste of time... Haix

So then I was walking back home... by then it was close to 4pm. Feeling very tired, sick and sour. My manager called me. When I saw "Prego" on the screen, I knew it cant be good.

Fast forward to 5.30pm. Like my day just cant get any worse, I got to the employee entrance at Raffles City just to find out that the office hasn't prepared an SSTS (Service Staff Time Sheet) for the security checkpoint. So I was stuck there for abt an hour before it was finally faxed in.

I was last to arrive, exhausted. but was forgiven cuz the error was on the part of the office staff. But anyway... Mr Allan, my manager, held an emergency meeting. The phone call I recieved earlier was him telling me I HAD TO come to work. I had no idea why, but didn't have an MC anyway. So I came.

He brought along with him the collective attendance sheet. Covered in red highlights no less.

Kitchen? 8 men down. 3 Off. 5 on MC.

Service staff? 5 men down. 3 Off. 2 on MC... Not even including me.

Conclusion? We were seriously under-staffed today and worse yet... THERE WAS A FUNCTION TAKING PLACE. That means, for those who may not know, it's gonna be hellishly busy with just a handful of staff to bear the burden.

Out of my 5 saikangs, only 2 were around. And my poor babies Leonard and Wang Yang were pushed to their breaking points with only a couple of days experience.

The meeting was held to consolidate our manpower and brief us on the function and why it was important. It was the last day for one of our Senior Managers, Mr Paolo. Who was moving back to Italy; luggage and all already stuffed in the office. So all our regular customers and associates would be present to see him off. And being a SENIOR means that's ALOT of ppl.

We struggled bravely. Managers, Team Leaders and Station Leaders, Tier 1 waiters like myself, waiters and trainees. All on our toes. Multi-tasking. The Head Chef screaming at every mistake made. First time I've seen all 3 managers (not counting Mr Paolo) wipe cutleries and clear soiled plates alongside us. It was also the first round of applause for me when I dropped some serving covers in front of the guests. SOOOOO PAISEH!!!! I felt so sick lah. So tired. My body, my brain... All was numb and wanted to DIE. Mr Naveen provided some comic relief at least. By 10pm, his brain was also numb. So he started singing and acting crazy as he worked. HE'S ONE OF THE MANAGERS LEH! Hahahahax

Like we weren't dead enough already. We all had to OT till abt 1am++ to clean up cuz the guests left late to mingle with Mr Paolo and prep for breakfast. At least in the end he treated us to Pizza and wine guests gave him as gifts. So shiok. :)

Now that i'm home, and finally let it outta my system, I WANNA SLEEP!!!!

Goodnight everybody ^^

Ciao~

"Tell me... WHO'S THE BLOODY IDIOT WHO SENT THE PENNE ARABIATA TO TABLE 115?!! PICK UP!!!"

Closure

2007-10-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

"Don't... Feel bad. Cuz that's sumthin i should do..."

I... finally have closure. I know now that we led each other on just so that it could amount to nothing.

Fine.

I feel like I've been taken for granted. Yet again...

Is this what love is? What it really is?

I would hurt and only be hurt.

LOVE!!! U SUCK!!! I'M TIRED OF U!!!

Hahahax... Yet...

Yet u've got me by the balls...

I cant stop falling. I cant stop loving.

"Dont... Miss me. U dont have the right to..."

殺手

2007-10-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

"The smile on my face..."

Hari Raya and the confusion it brings is but over. In a way, I feel I've made it through in one piece.

Earned some spare change in e process hahahax

I've left one important person left to visit. My godmother... Yes. The person who raised me as her own till I was 5.

It's been a while since I've seen her. She was at Saudi Arabia till recently. Rich la~

I owe alot to her. It's thanks to her anyway why I'm so different from the rest of my family.

I think I might be falling for someone too. But I'm afraid all I'd do is break her heart. She makes me smile so much. I love seeing her smile too. Haix... I'm such a fool. Perhaps... I didn't make it through Eid intact. My heart's missing. Stolen...

Ciao~

"The smile on my face... Makes me so embarrased I wanna die."

13 Days

2007-10-12T20:06:00.000+08:00

"Filling in the blanks..."

It's been 13 days since my last post. lol

Working has kept me too busy to pay attention to certain aspects of my life. Such as love, family... and blogging apparently.

I'd like to start by coming clean. I do this as a gentleman. I do this because it's important to our future relations. I do this so people can understand.

I learnt alot from work. Like ethics and inter-staff relations from my mentors. It's better to put whatever differences we have out in the open so we can all move forward. Rather than keeping a grudge inside and letting it manifest at the most unproductive moments.

I hate you. Brainer Lee Hsian Long. I will not hide behind pleasantries like "Juicesucker" or whatever. I feel I have the right to be straightforward. I dont hate your friends. I dont wanna be your friend. From now on... I'll make this clear. I think you're the one guy on Earth who doesn't deserve to be loved. But God loves you. Be thankful. Whatever I say or do to you or for you will be strictly professional. Nothing more. Nothing less. I wont make your life hell. And I will honorably oblige any duty I will have to perform only as a schoolmate or as a member of TPSU. U dont have an enemy out of me. But I STRESS the fact that I DONT like you and NEVER will again. The amount of respect and friendship I have lost for you can only be blamed on yourself. And if you wonder why I have such contempt for you, you should reflect long and hard.

So there... Now you've heard it from me for all to see.

That aside... I think I'm more certain than ever where I want my ambitions to take me. I like the hospitality industry. The service I can provide makes a difference to people's experiences. And I like that feeling of accomplishment. Recently, there've been regular customers asking for me by name. My initial reaction was like "WHOA!!!". But hey, I take this job seriously. More than others perhaps. Getting complimented is a sign that Im on the right path and it spurs me on to improve even more. Even my managers have noticed my willingness to learn more and have taught me little things that make the difference in this trade.Like how to put that extra sparkle into cutleries and glasses and how to prepare the "perfect" cup of coffee. It's more than making money, the time I spend at the retaurants are really turning out to be the starting point of my dreams like I've hoped it would be. :)

Currently I'm takin time off work to help my family prepare for Hari Raya and to catch up with my best friends. I accompanied Jinx as he studied for A-levels. Spent a whole day with him. He's goin to NS in December. SO SOON???

I'm really gonna miss him lah. He's not too happy about it either and I can't seem to cheer him up. Haix...

Ytd I spent the night over at Rahz place and finished Halo 3. Wow! The first game that left me speechless in a long time. Graphics, gameplay, story... Even the ending was perfect. Had alot fun. ^^

Played DotA too. Recently I've been playin with my "clan". Consisting of Rahz, my cuz and his friends. Seems to be the only thing I do when I'm at home. Which is oni abt a couple of hours a day thanks to work. It's like we play daily from midnite when I get home all the way till 4am, right before I rest and prepare for work.

Our motto is:

"SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!"

Bwahahahahaha!!! :P

I've had my eye on some girls lately. We get along. But I dont have the time to take anything further. It's frustrating me. I'm never alone but... somehow... I am very lonely these days. I want someone who makes my eyes light up and "smile along" when she makes me smile. Mebbe that's what I should wish for this coming Birthday. Hahax... :)

Ciao~

P.S.
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri to all my friends Muslim or not.
Maaf Zahir dan batin. :)

"Filling in the blanks... that my heart has left behind"

Amazing Grace

2007-09-30T12:54:00.000+08:00

"The things I should hold on to... "

Magical Autumn was very... umm... physical. Had a great time. Got to know lots of fellow Subcomms & SAIKANG WARRIORS!!! But seriously... Hard work and getting connected with new friends are the essence of life with TPSU. I know where my commitment lies and hopefully I can get more involved with other events. ^^

Had dinner at my Aunt's last night with the whole family. It's been a really long time since I've seen them. Everyone's changed alot. Even myself perhaps. At least I'll always stay Hadi, "the kind one". I love my family. Even if at times they do things that pisses me off. I dont think there's anythin they do that I cant forgive. Got free mooncakes and played soccer. Hehex

And...

Mebbe there's some other people that I must forgive.

I'll wrap up the post with a lame joke I read off the papers.

Q: Why do we need antioxidants?

A: To take care of "uncle-oxidants" xD

I know... LAME. But I dont care. It keeps me young. :P

Ciao~

P.S.: My Aunties said i look "macho" Hahax

"The things I should hold on to... Faith and Family"

M17

2007-09-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

"When Im gone..."

Im kinda down...

MY PHONE SPOIL!!!

and more importantly...

KELLY'S GONE!!!

Woke up early today to send her to Beach Road. Helped her carry her souvenirs for her family. Quite heavy lehx... The 3 biggest pears I've seen in my life. She say carrying that around made her feel like an 'Aunty'...

So when we reached Golden Mile Complex, we were scoping out who would be the one sitting next to her. She dun wanna sit next to one of those nasty 'Aunties' on buses. But the odds were kinda high. Think she was the only young person on the bus. To her horror, she ended up sitting next to one in the end.

After that I went to school to pick up my DotA CD. Ended up studying for my Macro supp paper. I seriously dont know anythin lah. I shouldn't considering I only attended 1 class in the whole semester. But yeah... Study Macro till 7. Felt exhausted walking back home and slept till 10pm.

IM REALLY LOSING MY MOJO!!!

Ciao~

"When I'm gone... Just carry on. Rejoice every time u hear the sound of my voice..."

Redefined

2007-09-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

"Show me your dreams... "

Life passes quickly if you don't take time to breathe it in. Slow down and enjoy the view that comes to you or you'll end up missing what's beautiful.

Looking back at the week, so many constants in my life have changed in the blink of an eye. Yet no day is any less ordinary than the last. It's kinda scary. Intimidating.

Starting where I should be...

Sub-Comm Tea Party. I know it's taken a week more or less to start blogging about it. It was mostly fun lah. I'm not gonna tell you anything you cant read off somebody else's blog. Im gonna be talking about something else that came into perspective for me that day.

I decided to stop liking a certain someone. Probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. I still wanna be good friends with her though. She deserves lots of real friends. People who care. People who aren't after something. Anyways, I was quite emo in the end and that kinda made me a jerk for awhile. Hahax

Tuesday. I took the day off after that night. No com. No work. Just spending time with family. Got to know my tenant, Aurora, pretty well in that span of time too. She's nice. :)

Wednesday. I was bein my usual immortal self charging at a full day at work. Diversified my experience by working at 3 different restaurants in 1 day. Started out serving breakfast at Plaza Market Cafe. Then served at Inagiku Japanese Restaurant for lunch. Finally ending my day back at Prego. Exhausting definitely. But satisfying as well. Learned how to serve Jap food.

Thursday. My bro got kicked out of the house after an argument with my mom. He was really asking for it lah. But after hearing both sides of the story. I dunno who to belief. He'd be gone for quite awhile.

Friday. Upon receiving the inevitable news that I have to sit for Macroeconomics supp paper, I attended revision classes in the afternoon. Pretty uneventful day. Too bad though... It means I cant make it for the Ipoh trip with Kelly. Sobzzz...

Saturday. Had quite the chat with my mom. She talked to me about switching courses. She doesn't mind if I want to. It's just that she finds I'm rather suited to working at Restaurants, Pubs etc. It's kinda her dream to send her son off to school in Switzerland. I can be quite passionate about it anyway. So is it gonna be HTM for me? Im gonna finish my supp paper then talk to my CP about it. I have nothing against BIT. It was my 1st choice but my class sorta ruined it for me...

Sunday. My mom drove me and Kelly to Harbourfront for the "Run for Hope 2007" at 6 in the mornin. It was raining so bloody heavily that the car nearly skidded out of control. Scary~

Spent the morning handing out drinks to runners with Glenn, Ben Chow, Maybeline, Yu Ting, Gibson, Douglas, Vivian, Sabby, Zain and Sam Soon. Ben Chow, Maybeline and Glenn are damn comical. Laugh until stitch just watching them. There was also one person there that really "struck" me. I've only encountered her once before at the lounge and almost completely forgot about her. That is until I saw her while we were gathering. Her name is Lynette.

Seriously lah. Whole day just suan each other. Throw water at me summore. But it was fun. I enjoyed her company. Refreshing to get along with a new face. Makes me wonder sometimes whether I'd have more such friends if they came to the lounge more often. Tat Yi's always tellin me to get more sub-comms involved in the lounge. I kinda agree with him. Especially now...

Anyways, then we were sent back to the Beach Station ala BANGLA; on the back of a pick-up truck. Quite the ride. Felt every hump on the road. lol

Then we had lunch at Vivo. Met back up with Kelly. Ate at Long John Silver's. How nostalgic...

Glenn drove us back to Tampines. He drives like my uncle. hahax

Took 293 back with Kelly afterwards. Very "interesting" ride. Kelly's brain was offline again lah. Cuz she didn't sleep last night... =.="

Cant believe she's gonna be goin back to Ipoh in a couple of hours. I'm damn thankful to have her as a friend. Couldn't ask for anyone better lah. She can tahan alot of my bullshit. Im REALLY gonna miss her. T.T

So...

No girl. New tenant. New Friend. New work experience. New course?

Change is Nature as they say.:P

Ciao~

"Show me your dreams... And I'll show you who you really are..."

Interview with the Devil

2007-09-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

"So many questions..."

Doing a quiz (tagged by Eileen)
List your top 5 birthday present u wish for:
1)Total forgiveness for all my sins.
2)Yamaha YZF-R1/ Honda CBR-600RR
3)Ridiculous amounts of money.
4)Aston Martin DB9
5)Happiness for myself and those I love.

Answer the following questions:
1.The person who tag u is?
Eileen

2.Your relationship with him/her is?
Good friend.

3.Your 5 impressions of him/her?
1.She's simple and untainted. What you see is what you get.
2.She doesn't ask much out of anyone. Easy to get along with.
3.She's honest and unpretentious. She expects honesty in return.
4.She's very blur. Hahax
5.She's a good singer, though she needs a lil more self-confidence.

4.The most memorable thing she has done fer u?
Most recently? Called me Capon.... =.="

5.The most memorable things he has said to u?
"What's CP? CP chicken izit?"

6.If he/she becomes your lover,you will?
Cherish her. Give her all the good things in life that she deserves.

7.If he/she becomes your lover,things he/she has to improve will be?
Nothing. I like her just the way she is. Nobody's perfect. I dont expect her to be.

8.If he/she becomes ur enemy,you will?
Have to find an extremely good reason why. lol

9.If he/she becomes you enemy,the reason will be?
Hmmm... Cant think of one.

10.The most desire thing u will wish for him to do for him/her now?
Uh... Okay. If i think the question means what I think it does... Then I want her to turn up at Sub Comm Tea Party and have some fun. Forget about shit that happened lately and smile.

11.You overall impression of him/her is?
Great. Im fortunate to have met her.

12.How do you think people around you will feel about you?
Apparently... people think I've got an acid tongue...

13.The character u love of yourself are?
My Endurance and Faith. My acid tongue... =P

14.On contrary,the characters you hate of yourself are?
I'm too polite. At times apologetic and submissive.

15.The most ideal person u wan to be is?
Myself. I am an infinity of possibilities.

16.Pass this quiz to 10 persons:
1) Jinx
2) Rahz
3) Khai
4) Kelly
5) Wan
6) CY
7) Tank
8) Muhyi
9) Claudine
10)Shazlin

Questions (continued):
17.Who is no. 6[CY]- having relationship with?
How should I know? With me as a fren la~

18.is no.9[Claudine]-male or female?
Female

19.If no.7-[Tank] and no.10-[Shazlin] are together,will it be a good thing?
NO!!! They're cuzzins for cryin out loud =.="

20.How about no.8-[Muhyi] and no.5-[Wan]?
If only they're GAY. But they know each other...

21.What is no.2[Rahz] studying about?
Privately taking his A lvls.

22.When was the last time u had a chat with no.3[Khai]?
Now. He's at my house.

23.What kind of music does no.8[Muhyi] likes?
Hip Hop and RnB

24.Does no.1[Jinx] has any siblings?
Yes. 2 sisters. One of them his twin. So cool. ^^

25.Will you woo no.3[Khai]?
No cuz it's gay...
Yep

27.Whats the surname of no.5[Wan]?
No Idea

28.Whats the hobby of no.4[Kelly]?
I hope it's playin pool with me. Hahax

29.Does no.5[Wan] and no.9[Claudine] get along well?
Shld be ok I guess...

30.Where is no.2[Rahz] studying at?
At home. Private candidate lehx

31.Talk something casually about no.1[Jinx].
My best friend for nearly a decade. I trust him with my life.

32.Have u try developing feelings for no.8[Muhyi]?
Of coz. He's my brother. Must love your family ya know...

33.Where does no.9[Claudine] lives at?
Im not sure. I've asked her before but I forgot. Sorry ^^

34.What colour does no.4[Kelly] likes?
When I find out... I'll let u know.

35.Are no.5[Wan] and no.1[Jinx] best friends?
No. Dun even know each other.

36.Does no.7[Tank] likes no.2[Rahz]?
They have an understanding. Cant say that they like each other though...

37.How do you get to know no.2[Rahz]?
Same class in Secondary Skool.

38.Does no.1[Jinx] have any pets?
Yea. A black cat called Bebe

Is no.7[Tank] the sexiest person in the world?
He thinks so. But no one else does hahahax. :P

"So many questions... So lil time..."

Storm & Fire

2007-09-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

"If there's anything the guilty are good at..."

Wow! After a long hiatus... I'M BACK!!!!!!

I've been really busy with work. When I get home, I'd be too tired to blog anyway...

But I took a few pics that I wanna share. ^^

What's so special about that table? I built it myself on Tuesday for my new tenants room. Wood+screws+nuts+hammering+drilling+decent D&T experience= Computer Table

So glad that I can be handy around the home. To me it's part of a real man's duty. Stuff like plumbing, a lil carpentering, fixin light bulbs etc. It gives me a sense of pride knowing that my family can depend on me... There's no better feeling. I guess they're useful skills to have anyway.

Finally got my formal attire ready at Peninsula Plaza on Wednesday. I really like the cut and fit. Mebbe I wanna alter the pants a lil bit. Still not my dream "Gatsby Suit" that Takuya Kimura wore for that ad, but still very nice to me. Wore them to work on Friday and totally ruined it though =/

Not gonna elaborate much on Friday. Total logistical disaster at work. I wanna censor it from the rest of my life if possible. Only two words can best explain it.... "Cabernet Sauvignon". lol

Wednesday's a better day to talk about work. Worked at Prego. Italian Restaurant u'll find on the 1st floor at Raffles City. Great place to eat. Great place to work. I like the environment. The manager has a sense of humor too. When I 1st walked in, he just stared at me eerily and said...

"WELCOME TO HELL..."

Obviously he was kidding hahax... It's really hard work lah. But rewarding. Got alot of seriously GOOD and FREE food out of it. On top of that, it seems that the manager's booked me for any available slots. He called me to work there on Friday lah. Too bad i was working somewhere else. I left a good impression obviously. Hehex :)

Today was kinda packed. Woke up bright and early to move furniture for my tennant... Tiring considering how little sleep I've had. Then met up with Kelly and Eileen. Followed them for lunch and window shopping at Marina Square. Sampled some mooncakes. God... I think im addicted to that fattening stuff. Needed alot of self-control to stop myself gobbling down the sample tray. Hahax

Then we went to the World Food Fair at Suntec. Yet again found myself "feasting" on samples. But the variety there quite shiok considering for a "World" food fair, it had cuisine mainly from Asia. I wan more Korean Melon Ice Cream!!! =P

We met up with the rest of the SU ppl at Fountain of Wealth to support some TP Dance Ensemble members compete in Suntec Dance 2007. Our Team didn't win... But I must say the competetion were really no push-overs. Some of them can even leave me speechless, but never win also. Haix... Can't say that I supported the winners lah~

Then we went to Mac for late dinner. Me & Kelly realized that SU outings usually involve walking around aimlessly while we figure out where to go. Not something we'd like to do on an empty stomach obviously. Frustrating sometimes.

The trip home with CY and Kelly was kinda fun I guess. We talked alot about plans for the holidays among other things. And somehow... Only ytd I found out that CY was my bro's ex-classmate. Small world eh? Kelly's brain switches off when it gets late btw. VERY FUNNY LEH.

Hmmm.... I think I'll try to blog more often. Reminds me of what's important in my life... and who are not. "CHEESE PIES" ;)

Ciao~

"If there's anything the guilty are good at... It's running and hiding..."

L.E.G.N.A

2007-09-03T04:19:00.000+08:00

"If I had wings..."

Am I considered an insomniac blogging at 4.30 in the mornin?

Heck... Seriously, I'm a man who lost his ability to sleep. It's starting to take its toll on my body. I can feel the grip of fatigue on my various systems. Yet... Here I am. LOL

Doesn't help that a certain someone got me addicted to S.H.E recently. My bros are callin me "Munjen", which means yellow in Tamil for listenin to Chinese songs. Mmmmm... Racist bastards. xD

I think I need to see a counsellor or somethin. I have serious emotional imbalances that need remedying. Where that cold and somewhat "EMO" place in my chest used to be, there is now an ugly temper. Im officially an angry guy now. Haix...

I lose my cool to the smallest things. I keep imagining this huge red and black ball of wrath growing within and my fists start to clench. I force myself onto bed just to keep me off a bloody warpath.

Tried talking to my mom about it last night. According to her, I have too much pent up anger since childhood. Too much that I forgive... but never forget. Perhaps it's true... I have been especially forgiving in recent days.

Conscience, Tolerance, Patience and Self Control. Things that I consider important parts of my life is to blame for my current state of mind. They are are also what will help me through this. I must stay strong and remind myself:

"I am the lord of my own soul. May God keep me true. Guide me. Amen..."

*TAKES A DEEP BREATH*

Ciao~

"If I had wings... I would rise above..."

X-Celiz

2007-09-01T01:58:00.000+08:00

"The most important part of Chinese Dinner is... "

I got this feelin that this is gonna be a pretty long post. Well... Lots of stuff happened in the past few days.

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to anyone who thinks that I've "disappeared" and got worried. And that means you Brainer lol

I know I've got a history of doing stuff that is stupid, irresponsible and somewhat violent. But seriously, now I have a good reason for going under the radar which Im gonna be elaborating in delicious detail about later. It's not that i dont have emotional problems or wadeva. But that has nth to do with why is stopped comin round online, in person, or on the phone.

Emotions... Hmmmm... Right now, I just feel cold and indifferent about it all. All the problems and "things not meant to be" that plagued me and "Sir Tarabas". In a way, I feel that I've truly moved on. I wanted to so badly anyway. Right now, I wanna feel refreshed. To shed this cold void I feel inside me. That's why... Im gonna meet someone new. Someone special. Someone truly worthy of an emotional investment. Someone like you~

NAH! Kidding hahax

Nothing against ppl I already know though. I'll still treasure your company. ^^

Which brings me to tomolo... Ummmmm....Actually, more like TODAY lol

Gonna spend some time with Rahz and the ppl that matter to me at Sentosa. I'm looking forward to a smile. It's been so long since I've had a smile that came from the heart. Someone special told me once that the most beautiful smile should come from the heart. It gives u a nice lively glow in photos too LMAO. And what did I do to repay that special someone? I FORGOT HER BIRTHDAY WAS LAST THURSDAY!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Sorry... Just needed to scream at myself for being such an idiot. But It's like 2.30 in the mornin so bear with me here lol

Anyways... Im gonna beg her forgiveness as soon as I see her again. Nothing less than face to face for her. Unfortunately... She's in Indonesia so there's nth much I can do for now.

*DRUM ROLLS*

Finally, the reason for my disappearing act...

I got an amazing new job. I'm never ever gonna be prouder to be a waiter. Cause where I wait tables, a plate of chicken rice would set you $15-$X00.

I am now an employee at X-Celiz.
Where our mission is...

To Execute
To Excel
To Service

X-Celiz is not an agency. It is a company which outsources waiters to 5-Star and 6-Star Restaurants and Hotels. It's list of clients include Swissotel The Stamford, Swissotel Merchant Court, Raffles The Plaza, Raffles Hotel Singapore which includes Raffles Hotel Banquet and The Courtyard, Raffles City Convention Centre, and the coup de grace: The Fullerton Hotel. (Yes... that 6-star monolith sitting by the bay!)

Excuse the free advert but yeah... Having gone through an intensive training program on etiquette, multi-tasking and food handling among other things... Im finally ready for work, which starts on Sunday. Im excited... but somewhat intimidated working at such locations. Oh! The pressure is unbearable... *Bites Nails*

Job perks? Aside from the prestige of working at these places, I also get:

-Decent pay. Up to $8/hour at peak periods... Not much more that I'll ask for seriously.

-NO CPF CUTS. 100% take home pay owns!!!

-Salary comes twice a month. Helps me in alot of tight spots where debts are concerned.

-Meet new people. Make new friends. ^^

-Ahem! Meals are provided. And you know what that means... Hehex

-Very useful work experience. Especially since my ultimate goal in life is to open a Restaurant/Pub of my own. Learn from the best. Screw the rest!

But of course... No job is ever so perfect. It has one very big drawback: NO ROOM FOR ERRORS. Even from DAY ONE, they expect you to have and maintain the highest standards in quality of service and discipline. Screwing up will cost you dearly and going AWOL will result in pay cuts(right down to $5/hour and up to $40 off ur total salary in penalties) and termination(repeated cases). OUCH!!!

Some would say its risky and I'd stand to lose more than I could gain. But I'm willing to bear with it. Afterall, it'll help me develop good habits and skills, as well as acquiring knowledge that will go a long way in helping me realize my dreams. Its more than worth the risk to me.

There... Phew! Told ya it was gonna be a loooooooong post. I'm willing to bet most ppl cant be bothered to even read it. But if you've made it this far.... Thanks for caring. Really... ^^

Ciao~

"The most important part of Chinese Dinner is... Mango Pudding served with a smile ^^"

Ice Box

2007-08-26T07:47:00.001+08:00

"Beating in my hands..."

Yesterday was... I dont know how to describe yesterday. My faintest memory of it was "Transformers from Beyond" and Arsenal beating Man City with a fabulous Fabregas goal.

I blogged. Not a random story. It has relevance to what Im facing and feeling now. Some of u reading this may know to whom you should draw comparisons with which character. lol

I went to City Hall. Saw Farah taking "MEAL-REPLACEMENTS". Like WTF. Personally I'd rather see a warm bowl of rice in her mouth than anythin else. I dont believe in meal replacements. They cant be any good for human consumption. But I guess it cant be helped. I wun force her. How pretentious. Haix...

I went to Suntec. Supported TP Dance Ensemble members in a competition. Styles From Beyond, a dance crew, did a really cool rendition of "Transformers". Wish I could watch it again. Had Frappe Latte and Hot Fudge Sundae with Tat Yi, Gibson, Yuting, Farhan, Jing Wen and Shaz after that. Fattening, guilty as charged. But nowadays im finding it almost impossible to get fat with my kind of insane regime. In fact, if i dun eat, I think I'd lose a lil too much weight. too skinny oso not nice. ZZzzZZzz

I watched Soccer. Lampard scored on the 45th min against Portsmoth and Fabregas scored against the thus-far-impregnable Schmichel(is that how u spell his name???) of Manchester City. Not much else to say abt soccer. Hopefully Man U will maintain their losing streak. Hahax

Hmmm.... So much for faintest memory. Ciao~

"Beating in my hands... My burning heart freezing over..."

The Broken Knight

2007-08-25T17:00:00.000+08:00

"I bow to thee, Queen..."

Once upon a time,

There lived a Knight named Tarabas.

He was a scarred and twisty fellow with a dark past.

One day, he chanced upon a fair Maiden named Fantaghiro.

She was the youngest daughter of a Lord.

Although her beauty rivaled that of her sisters, she was unpopular.

She had the manners of a boy and reveled in adventure.

Yet...

She held the key to Tarabas's heart.

He rode his horse to the well each day where Fantaghiro would go to drink.

They shared smiles and he soon found the rose in her hiding behind the thorns.

She appeared more a woman each day, but their love was not to be...

Her unveiled charms had caught the eye of another man, those of a fair Prince

Prince Romualdo and Fantaghiro soon wed. Tarabas unable to find her love...

Heartbroken, he vowed never to be seen again.

Madness nearly drove him in revolt against the new King and his Queen

But after some time, he realised his immaturity. The error of his ways...

He learnt that although he opened her heart. He was never able to do the same.

Hiding his feelings, his past, his inner most being behind honor and duty.

Only he was to blame for love that strayed. And so he returned to the Kingdom...

Seeking to reclaim his honor and... a friend he lost.

He bowed to the Queen and her King. Proclaiming that there was no man more worthy.

To this day he remains by his Queen's side.

Defending her honor in hours of need.

His future unwritten. His love unsung. What would become of his worn heart?

TO BE CONTINUED

"I bow to thee, Queen... and King"

光

2007-08-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

"Your nimble fingers play at my heart..."

Exams are around the corner. VERY close in fact. Yet...

On this beautiful sunny day, I found myself in a darkened room crying my eyes out.

No. Im not heartbroken, sad or whatever...

Watching movie lah!

Met up with Brainer, Claudine and Eileen at noon to watch "Secret". A movie starring, written and directed by Jay Chou. It's really great and... touching. Im not recommending any of you to watch. Im TELLING u to go watch it ASAP.

First movie to bring me to tears in a long time. I think I cried watching it more than any other movie. Totally cant resist the tears flowing from my eyes. What can I say? Im a sensitive guy. *COUGHS*

To sum up the rest of the day... It went by like a summer breeze. Covered a chapter of Business Accounting in the library with Ah Kong Brainer and Eileen. Adoring lil kittens next to Biz Park as we ate dinner. Every second, worry free. Full of smiles and laughter. It was refreshing. Never felt this good about any day in a long time.

We're meeting up again tml to study. Looking forward to it. ^^

So what if the lounge is closed. It's the people who come together, not the place that makes the lounge what it is. And indeed, we have stayed together.

Now.. Study hard and keep tryin! Here's wishin everyone out there good luck for ur papers. :)

Ciao~

"Your nimble fingers play at my heart... Crafting sweet music for my soul"

Amigos Para Siempre

2007-08-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

"Moments of my Life..."

Spent some time with Rahz over the weekend. I invited him over. But I feel mebbe I was dao-ing him a lil bit... Not on purpose lah! I just suddenly felt pooped. TIRED. EXHAUSTED. Dosing off every chance I get. Mebbe I'm usin up whatever "MOJO" that gives me the power to keep late nights. Anyways...

I also got a chance to spend time with his siblings, Shamim and Shahilia. First impressions was... MAN! These ppl dont get out much. But after loosening their tongues over some Indian cuisine at Mughals Cafe, they turned out okay. We watched Rush Hour 3. Chris Tucker was da BOMB. Cant stop laughing. xD

Then I introduced them to the wonder that was Vanilla Oreo Ice Blended. Im sure they'll be back for more. We sat at the playground and I got to know them a lil better. Somethin about that place really brings ppl closer together. mebbe that's why SU peeps frequent the place. Happy times. ^^

Today... wow. Today started off with me helpin out at the Lantern Festival Booth.

-We interrupt this program for a special msg from our sponsors-

TP LANTERN FESTIVAL

VENUE: Triangular Gardens

TIME:25th September, 7.30pm

Registration will be held outside library, 13th - 17th Aug, 11am to 2pm daily.

Perhaps... Perhaps... Perhaps...

2007-08-11T03:12:00.000+08:00

"May peace be upon you..."

Okay. I swear. Verdict is out. And It'll be the last time you ever hear of this topic from me.

In order of importance:

- Much to my joy, IM NOT LEAVIN TP. After certain sacrifices, I dont have to afterall. But...

- GOODBYE TAMPINES. Im shiftin over to Bedok. MUCH smaller apartment though it wouldn't matter since I'll barely ever be there.

- Mebbe I'll organize a "Farewell Sleep-Over". Usual ppl will be invited so pls keep urself posted for a chance at ur last free meal and board in this so-called "castle".

- I am NOT suicidal. Puh-leese... >.<

- I shall not be so EMO anymore.

*CHEERS*

Owkayyyyy.... That puts a lid on that. Amen!

"May peace be upon you... Thank you for your time."

It's harder to say it for others...

2007-08-03T22:48:00.000+08:00

"Goodbye..."

In retrospect, I so lost my cool ytd.

Im really sorry if:

- You were just browsing through blogs and happened to see that.

- You're uninvolved but happened to take offense for some reason.

- You had changed your impression of me after seeing that.

- You're NOT from 1E01.

Life's tough. I'm not gonna be so DRAMA saying it this time but...

GOODBYE

Not just to 1E01...

But to Temasek Polytechnic.

Chances are very high that I'm gonna drop out or differ at least one semester. But yeah I'm leaving. It's not about what 1E01 did in any way but... Financially and mentally, I dont have both feet in school. I really cant cope right now. But I'll be back... I promise.

So thanks everyone...

For the memories, good or bad. It was nice to meet all of you. Especially SU peeps. Im gonna miss you guys so much. Even if for a while... The lounge is my 2nd home. ^^

For some... telling them this news is really unbearable ya know? It's ripping me apart to tell them that I'm going. So they really dont know... that i'll be gone. And how much I care. So much for a Care Person. I left her today looking very depressed and emo. She tried to cheer me up... But I just cant...

"Goodbye... My memories, My home..."

Sayonara~

2007-08-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

"It's not that I hate you..."

I've had enough. Seriously...

First of all, I'm not mad that you left me to do it alone.

What I'm mad about is how you were such an ass about it.

C'mon! Yeah... My grades, my education is my own responsibility. So i should do my part. But... To wait until the project deadline itself to tell me that I gotta do it alone? Chang Song, Bryan, Choo Wang... YOU"VE JUST BECOME THE BIGGEST BASTARDS IN MY LIFE!

There were so many opportunities to tell me, especially Chang Song and Bryan. We're in the same bloody Comm Skill group. Better yet... Ask me to come along and do it with u guys.

If you would've asked, I would've come. I would've done my part. But even that... I didn't even hear you guys had a single meeting to do the CTOS project till it was over. Is my hp number just for show?

And you... You all. Left me alone. Not a word. Abandoned me... Thanks. But you know what? I dont give half a shit about 1E01 anymore. You walk away from me. I walk away from you. Fair rite? I dont feel like i should even live on the same planet as you guys...

See ya around! NOT!

"It's not that I hate you... But I dont like you either!"

D'oh!

2007-07-29T20:48:00.001+08:00

"I want someone who's the same during the day and at night..."

After a night of cycling and WDS (strangely)... It was too much to ask for a break.

Into the door

-stop-

Back out AGAIN to buy BREAKFAST

-THEN-

Phone Calls

LEFT

RIGHT

CENTER

Literaly no rest for the wicked these days.

Then met up with Rahz for... a trip to the arcade no less. Played air hockey... My arms felt like droppin off. T.T

My only rest came when we watched the Simpsons Movie. It was great. I liked it alot. But I found it a lil... i dunno, short?

After movie, an exhausted Hadi found himself strolling thru the pasar malam. How bout that? *Panting*

Some tako yaki and cheesy dogs later(which were really good btw)... I find myself half-asleep here ranting about my tiring day. What am i doing? My brain feels like mush... Homer Simpson-ish xD

Hahax... I need some shut-eye. Dun kacau me for the next 24 hours or so. Nights peeps ^^

"I want someone who's the same during the day and at night... It's called consistency"

Yes, My Lord...

2007-07-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

"You see I cannot be Forsaken..."

The screaming in my head these past few days is all but gone. Apparently, according to my mom at least, I've turned into some kind off ghost...

I swear... lol

That's not the case.

Anyway, Im finally getting paid tomolo. The company FINALLY succumb to pressure when my ex's mom threatened to take this to court. She's some kind of manager there so her words bear a certain weight.

Recently, I've found myself looking for a higher calling. A kind of devotion... Spiritual. To God perhaps?

I believe in God. But religion has never been my cup of tea. To me, I feel closer to God by answering to my conscience.

I am God's Blade

Let action be my prayer

More than any word

Punishment I shall endure, Sins I shall atone for

Untiring

He wields my heart

To protect the weak, To rise above injustice

Only by his will, shall I be subdued

I live by these words. That's what keeps me kinda hyper methinks. Hahax

I've sinned alot in the past. This keeps me trying my best to make up for it.

An oath to the undefeated. ^^

"You see I cannot be Forsaken... God shall guide me. Give me strength"

Taiyou no Hana

2007-07-20T16:26:00.000+08:00

"KATALYST..."

YAY! Finally reunited with my lappy :P

Left it in the lounge while watching TP Netball beat NP 38-37 @ RP lol

I've got a new obsession... Taiyou no Hana AKA Sunflowers. Their seeds to be precise.
Its a great snack. Only $0.60 summore.

Wow... So much to say. But I cant say everything...

Went out with Rahz ytd. Introduced him to Ryn, Dion and Farah. I was so happy for him. Got him to open up. Be more confident about himself. Proud of him lah, considering before we arrived he was so nervous. He just needed a lil push. He was over the moon when he made the girls laugh. Silly~

On the other hand... SOME OTHER GUY NEEDS A LIL GROWING UP LIKE PICKING UP THE PHONE WHEN CONCERNED FRIENDS CALL *AHEM*

Spend the rest of the nite chewin on Oysters at Techno and drinkin up booze at my place. Hehex... That's why i didn't blog. Sowie :P

I feel rather conflicted lately. It's been awhile since I've had... someone. I have the urge to be in a relationship. But my better voice of reason tells me I'm not ready... Strong friendships come before anything else. Haix...

Now I'm bein EMO like ppl say I am LMAO ><

Zzzz... What am I sayin...

"Katalyst... Bringer of Change"

Mishka

2007-07-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

"I have never..."

Whew... Got back from a really long day draggin my laptop EVERYWHERE. My shoulder hurts a lil, but can't exactly say im tired.

Spent quite alot of time @ lounge today. Just chillin... Bonding over pool tables into the evening.

NICE.

Had dinner with SU peeps. Had alot of fun. Got to know alot abt my friends and about myself. Airing dirty laundry has never been so... REFRESHING. hahax

Not proud of things I've done in the past. But in a way, it's shaped who I am now.

I am simply me. I can be proud of that. :)

See ya around

"I have never... hated myself"

Contact

2007-07-16T02:14:00.000+08:00

"Without love... "

Spent the day pondering. Rolling in my bed, trying to figure out why...

Why am I still depressed? Even with so many things going the right way for me.

Why am I in this STANDSTILL? What's missing?

Only now i realize what I'm yearning for deep in my sub-conscience. Funny as it may sound...

I... I need to be touched. Human contact. Warm hands running over my skin as I sleep. By hands that I could trust with my insecurities and could take them all away. Special hands of someone special. Hands that I've not yet found.

Sounds perverted right? hahax

More like someone with a deprived childhood of sorts. To ask to be touched... Man! I've sunk to new lows :P

But i dont really care. I wanna open up sides of myself that i don't usually show. Not even to myself. Comin out of my shell like this really does bring me some relief.

Introspective. That's a new me.

See ya around ^^

"Without love... With hope"

Survivor

2007-07-14T17:40:00.000+08:00

"Sleepless in Hougang?"

Do you know what it feels like loving someone who's in a rush throw u away?

Lol. Nope. Nothin to do with me. Just crazy about the Enrique Iglesias song LMAO

Anyway...

Yesterday was really bad day by any means. Lost 10% of my WDS marks in one fell swoop. Not to mention it was Friday the 13th lol

Im in need of a job too. Bah! Was really in no mood to stay up last nite either. But even that was denied. Chiong WDS till mornin =.="

Gosh! So mortifying finding myself blogging about depressing shit.

On the bright side... Spent the evening with my Buddies. Cheered me up just a lil.

Hmmm...

But im really startin to get concerned about this friend of mine. Wish i could do more. Feeling alone in a crowd... I was like that once so long ago. Loneliness. It's creeping, cold touch gripped around my heart. No one deserves that. Especially not this friend. To give a smile... Harder then it sounds. Hang in there... =\

On a much brighter note, Im havin a MAJOR sleep-over tonite. Rahil and Dion, wonder what kinda nonsense they'll come up with lol

Im sure it'll be a blast... and yet another sleepless night xD

Anyone else interested? :P

"Sleepless in Hougang? Sleep in Tampines :P"

Advent

2007-07-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

"Not behind me..."

Today's sweet. Im behind on my project. Had to hold myself accountable to certain financial matters. I havent had much sleep or personal care for days. Sucks rite?

But, no... Im not down. Im not blue. Nothing can bring down my mood today!!!

Reasons to be happy:

- New friends at the lounge... again.

- Farah helped me a lil on my project.

- Dun have to be a burden to anyone.

- Watched Harry Potter.

- Conferencing with my friends.

and last but most importantly...

- I was out with my Jinx today.

I love and miss him so much. Just seeing him perks me up hahax

I wanna spread the joy. To all those sad and lonely souls out there...

There's ALWAYS a reason to smile. Whatever the reason is, whatever ur looking for...

JUST REACH OUT! And u shall find it ^^

SMILE :)

"Not behind me... Beside me :P"

Kazoku

2007-07-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

"We are TPSU..."

Got scolded at lounge today. Hakim, Farhan, and Tat Yi's words really cut deep.

But... They were right.

First of, I'd like to apologize to the TP Volley Ball team for my failure to show them support today at the POLITE games.

Next, I'd like to remind anyone reading this. We in TP are one big Family. Not just the Student Union. A family should support one another rite? Its worth our time seriously. I learnt the hard way.

"Enjoy together? Enjoy Yourself? Choose"

But we all make mistakes. Grow stronger and learn.

That aside I got trashed at DotA today. Zzzz... Hate -ar

Had dinner with Dion, Min, Jacintha, Weng Hao, Matthew and Sunny. It was really fun. ^^

SU guys really rock. So full of energy. So full of LIFE.

Makes me wanna smile :)

Now got project to do. See ya around!!!

"We are TPSU... We are a family!"

Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground

2007-07-11T01:38:00.000+08:00

"To know the pain of loss..."

Hope u guys are comfy with the new layout :P

Anyways... I was feelin really out of it today. Coughing, wheezing...

It was so humbling. A reminder that im only human afterall. Prolly got sick cuz i over-exerted myself ytd.

Ponned school but had to go out for important stuff. Got an MC too ^^

The past few days have been really tough. Scrapping by with only a few dollars. Im kinda upset with how my office is handling my pay check.

It's like they dont care if i have a life, bills to pay etc

But things will get better soon i hope. Desperate times calls for desperate measures as they say.

Perhaps im biting off more than i can chew with the risks im taking =/

Oh yea...

Sorry Rahz and Jinkz for makin u worry. ^^

See ya around.

"To know the pain of loss... Is to value the joys of Life"

Monotone Stills [8th July 07]

2007-07-11T01:13:00.001+08:00

"Stand Still..."

I feel very unsatisfied with how i spent the day.

Whole day at home.... Ate ALOT!!!

Mebbe I should go run ryt now... very guilty.

But,

At least i spent lotsa time with Rahz. Been ages since i've seen him. Jinx too...

I miss my best friends. So much.

Guess we're too caught up with our own lives. Haix

Personally, i blame myself for the distance between us. I've changed so much.

But I cant regret. I must be happy with the friends i'm with now.

Cuz I know...

TRUE FRENS ARE IRREPLACEABLE

I love u guys ^^

"Stand Still... Stand Ur Ground... Stand Tall..."

About:: ME [7th July 07]

2007-07-11T01:11:00.001+08:00

"Know thy ENEMY..."

New to the concept of Hadi?

Now I've got just the thing for you...

HADI FOR DUMMIES

He likes:Sweet Stuff, Cars & Sportsbikes

He hates:Negative Attitudes, Liars, Ignorance & Intolerance

Greatest Ambition: World Conquest of course... (If u wanna dream, dream BIG)

Reasonably now: Own Restaurant, Pub, Club

Greatest Fears: Loneliness (Yes, I fear. So?)

Greatest Regret: To have hurt those i love in the past

Greatest Temptation: Loving Someone

Guilty Pleasures: Online Gaming, Food

Obsessions: Fitness, Control (Im a control freak, bear with me hehex)

Loves most: Myself (I gotta come first, sorry ^^)

Loves least: My older bro (But I dont hate)

Biggest Crush? Hehx: Miss Liana my Chem Teacher

Anythin else: I BITE :P

He thinks: None of this stuff really matters, do they?

Special Thanks:
In A BOX Publications

"Hadi for Easy Digestion" aside, Im really bored. My mom psycho-ed me not to go to werk as long as they havent paid me.

Her winning speech:
"If they dun respect u as an employee, Dun respect them as management."

That's why she's the voice of reason in this house. Niways now im just stoning waitin for Rahz to come over. Anybody else wanna drop by? hahax

See ya around. Ciao~
P.S. Thanks so much Irene for hosting me. ^^

"Know thy ENEMY... Know thy SELF..."

Stargazer [6th July 07]

2007-07-11T01:08:00.000+08:00

"A candle against the heavens...."

New school. New friends. I guess its time for a new blog.

I guess I've been thru alot these past few weeks. Not like the months before were any different. All I can be sure of thru all that've happened and the maelstrom of changes it brought is that im happy.

We live in an age where happiness doesn't come cheap. And so I have learnt... (luv my baby laptop ^^)

And so i'd like to thank the many hands that've made this smile possible...

Thank you Jinx, Rahz, Muhyi, Ahmad, Mom and Khai... U guys are truly my family. I know we've had rough times in the past but the lil things u do with me and for me have really brought me lots of happy memories. And i wish for nothing more than happy memories ahead.

And also...

Thank you my new friends in Temasek Poly, be it in the Olympiads, 1E01, Merope or the rest of TPSU. Especially goin out to Choo Wang, Dion, Farah,and Begum. I've made few good friends in my transition into TP. But i cant ask for better companions than u guys. TP OEI!!!!

To top it all off, I'd like to dedicate this to u guys. Inspired by one beautiful starry night sleeping atop my roof in Bandung. Enjoy...

"I write of beauty knowing that words do such magnificence no justice. I write of beauty as only my eyes can tell, to a degree no other can behold.

Alone I lay before what an infinity of words would fail to describe. Fears that plague my mind of heights ventured to reach it cease to exist as the sight before me, though of soothing elegance, burned itself through my eyes. Clearing my mind and calming my unsettled heart. It was as though my whole body was partaking in the sheer bliss my eyes perceived. It was not just a view, a spectacle. It was an experience.

As I took it in, meticulously internalizing. It soon became more than just a part of me, it swallowed my entire existence altogether. Atop the roof, city lights around me, the world beneath me, breeze brushing my face, even the discomfort of the clay tiles I wedged my back upon… It all just disappeared. It was just me and the stars. As though nothing else was worthy enough to even grace the essence of my body and soul in its presence. In its embrace so warm though heat cannot be found, so close though meaningless to count the miles from which they seem to look back at me. I was liberated. Existing only as an existence to its influence. Freed from the confines, gravity and pain that bore me in this world.

But alas, to truly appreciate such beauty is to understand that its glory is but fleeting. A moment so precious immortalizing it would suit no meaning, no purpose but to deprive it of the value it held. Each twinkle and glow almost deliberately placed by god at that precise moment to produce something extraordinary for his unworthy servant’s awe."

U guys are the stars in my sky. See ya around... ^^

"A candle against the heavens... U keep me burning"